Remember Me
by katierabbit
Summary: After waking from a two and a half month coma, the only thing Jane remembers is her name; her whole life lost in the shadowy depths of her subconscious. As the time goes on, the chance that she'll gain her memory back decreases, and Maura fights the ticking of time to help Jane remember her, and their life together, again.
1. Prologue

**This will be a multi-chap fic, but this first chapter is sort of an prologue, so sorry if it's kinda boring. I'm about 80% sure that there will be a few 'M' rating moments in the future, and I'll warn/change the rating later if need be. Hope you like it and reviews would be brilliant xx**

* * *

Jane was awake. She was also aware. She was aware of her arms, legs, torso, head, fingers and toes. Jane was aware of the pain that was giving a slow, steady pulse all through her body. Jane was awake and aware, but she couldn't open her eyes. They were heavy, like lead was settled on her eyelids and she couldn't remove them. She tried to lift her arms but she didn't seem to have any control over them. She couldn't wiggle her fingers or toes. They seemed so stiff, so sore, like she had been sleeping for the whole day.

Jane focused her mind on the sounds around her. A faint beeping to her left, the sound of shoes clapping on hard floor, a little muffled, but still there. She heard somebody breathing beside her. Jane tried again to open her eyes, but they seemed too heavy. It was exhausting to try. She instead concentrated on what she could feel.

Sunlight; she could feel the rays on her right half of her face. She could feel rough sheets surrounding her, a tough mattress underneath her. She was in a bed. She could feel the wisps of breath over her cheek. Suddenly Jane could feel the fingers that were clutching her right hand. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to let Jane know that they were there.

Jane tried to wriggle her fingers, trying to grasp onto something, anything, to bring her back to the real world.

She heard a gasp of shock beside her and the fingers that were holding her hand tightened as the mystery person's breathing suddenly halted, as if they were holding their breath, waiting for something. Jane squeezed their hand again.

'Jane.' She heard a faint voice breath out. 'Jane can you hear me?' Jane squeezed her hand again. She couldn't open her eyes still, but she could squeeze her hand. Jane wanted to open her mouth, to ask whoever this was what was happening but she couldn't work her lips to do what they wanted. Her throat was searing with dryness and Jane wanted nothing more than to have a drink of water.

The mystery person began to call out, and Jane recognised the voice to be distinctively female.

'Nurse? Nurse! She's awake!' At her announcement there was suddenly a flurry of activity around Jane. She could feel it, feel the bodies and hands examining her, and also hear the excited chatter of all the nurses around her. She heard one of them calling for the doctor, who arrived and began to express their amazement. The sudden onslaught of activity surrounding Jane was beginning to get overwhelming, and the only calm she found was squeezing the woman's hand, and having them squeeze her back.

'Mrs Rizzoli? Mrs Rizzoli can you hear me?' A calm male voice was asking her. Jane tried to open her mouth and say something, but she couldn't.

'Jane?' The woman's voice again. She felt her thumb rubbing the top of Jane's hand on a slow, soothing motion. 'Jane, can you hear me?' Jane squeezed her hand. 'Jane I need you to open your eyes for me. Can you do that?'

Jane tried to prise her eyelids apart. Slowly, she opened them halfway. Her vision was blurred and everything was too bright. She closed them again for a few seconds. After the reassuring squeeze from the woman, Jane opened her eyes again, blinked a few times and closed them. The light was bright and painful. And it seemed like such an effort to keep her eyes open. She just wanted to sleep.

'Please.'

She heard the soft whisper beside her. She felt like she couldn't disappoint this woman. Jane tried again. She opened her eyes and blinked once, twice, three times before her vision finally cleared properly. Jane looked around the room carefully. There were four people in the room, including the woman squeezing her hand. Jane imagined the room was originally bland in decoration, but the tables, window sills and floors were covered in every type of balloon, card and flower bunches that were available. Two women were in light green uniforms with nametags on them, and their hair was tied out of their faces and they both held a happy smile as they looked at Jane. The man was dressed in white; his expression was one of amazement and delight as he made a few notes on a clipboard he was holding.

Jane's eyes settled onto the woman beside her. She was undeniably beautiful. Her hair seemed golden in the afternoon light that was filtering into the room. Her eyes were a molten hazel and her smile was something that the moon would be envious of for its natural glow. However, beneath the beauty were worry, pain and suffering. Her skin was pale and almost clung to her cheekbones as if she hadn't eaten a proper meal in months. Under her radiant eyes were dark circles which were evident of many nights of lost sleep. And her eyes bore tears of such relief and pain that it made Jane's heart clench because she knew she was the reason for that pain. This woman had apparently been waiting for Jane to wake up for a long time.

'Jane…' She whispered in a sort of awe. Almost like she couldn't believe she was talking to the woman before her. Her hand softly stroked Jane's arm and tears fell down her cheek. 'It took you so long to wake up.' She continued softly.

Jane stared at the woman for a long time, her eyes flickering to the way their fingers were entwined together and the soft strokes she made on her arm in such an intimate way. Jane looked back to meet her eyes and tried to speak, but only choked.

'Take the tube out of her mouth.' The man ordered. In an instant, Jane was relieved of the tube down her throat and one of the females offered Jane a cup with a straw in it. Jane gratefully took a sip of water which soothed her throat which felt like sandpaper. Jane tried to sit up but felt too weak to do so. Instead she just laid there and continued to look at the woman who hadn't let go of her hand.

'Jane.' Jane's attention returned to the man. 'My name is Doctor Charles Anderson. Do you know where you are?' Jane tried to open her mouth to answer but she couldn't get her vocal chords to work. 'That's quite alright, Jane, it's been a while since you've talked. I'll ask you some yes or no questions, and you blink once for yes, and twice for no. Does that sound okay?'

Jane blinked.

'Okay, good. Now, do you know who you are?'

Jane blinked once.

'Very good,' one of the females made a note on the clipboard that he handed to her, 'now, do you know where you are?'

Jane blinked twice.

'That's quite alright.' He said. 'You're at Massachusetts General Hospital. Do you know or remember anything that happened to you?'

Jane blinked twice.

The man sighed. 'You were in a car accident around two and a half months ago. You were in a critical condition and in a coma for eleven weeks.' Jane thought through what he said. Accident? She doesn't remember any accident. She tried to silently ask him the question with her eyes that couldn't be asked vocally. The doctor seemed to understand what she was trying to say. Perhaps he had experience in dealing with people who just came out of two and a half month comas. 'You were the driver of a car which was traveling late at night. There was a truck in front of you and the driver fell asleep at the wheel. The truck lost control and spun sideways after hitting the ice on the road wrong. Your car slammed into the truck, your right side absorbing most of the impact. You were unconscious by the time paramedics arrived and were airlifted to the hospital. Your injuries consisted of a fractured skull, seven broken ribs, internal bleeding, and basically your whole right side being crushed, including your arm, leg and collarbone.'

Jane grimaced as Dr Charles listed her injuries. The damage sounded extremely painful; thank god she'd been asleep for two and a half months afterwards.

'Moving on with the questions then?' The doctor asked. Jane blinked once in response. 'Do you know who the woman beside you is?' Jane turned to look at the blond lady. Her expression was neutral, but Jane could see the hope in her eyes and she softly squeezed Jane's hand again. The feeling Jane had before of not wanting to disappoint the woman became more pronounced as she looked back to Dr Charles and blinked twice.


	2. The First Day

**Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews and the follows and favorites it was just amazing to get such a response. I was hardly expecting so many to read this story so I'm delighted that you guys have :') This is a 'build-up' story, if that makes sense. It is just about Jane's recovery and gaining her memory back and her processes of doing so (and maybe a bit of smut...okay there will most probably be smut in the future). But you guys are all smart cookies, so I'm sure you all gathered that much.**

**a/n I forgot to do a disclaimer last chapter, but as I said, y'all are smart, you know I don't own anything.**

**Hope you like it and review with thoughts :) x**

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'Ma'am, you must understand that the memory loss is probably temporary. We will put her through a program which will assist in helping jog her memory, but most likely it will just take time. Certain feelings, smells or places will trigger some memories. I recommend that maybe you bring in a few photos from home?' Dr Anderson suggested in his office to Maura who was pacing anxiously around the room. 'Doctor Isles, there is little we can do. But the chances of the memory impairment being permanent are very low.' He paused for a moment, hesitating whether or not to continue. 'However, I should note that the longer it takes for Jane to regain all her memory, the less likely it will be that she'll ever gain her full memory back.'

* * *

Maura was standing outside the hospital, the air was crisp and as a soft breeze blew, Maura huddled closer into her jacket. She kept staring at her phone, trying to bring her breathing down from hyperventilation into a steadier pace. _In…and out. In…and out._ Maura chanted in her mind, timing her breathing with her words. She glanced over to her phone again, looking as the time changed to 4:53pm. She had been out here for exactly 14 minutes, trying to calm herself enough to call Angela to tell her that Jane was awake.

_And say what, Maura? 'Hi Angela, how's your day been? Well I have good news and some bad news. The good news is that Jane's awake. I know; it's great isn't it? But the bad news is that she has no clue who you are. Okay, have a nice evening'?_ Maura scoffed and began to pace around the outdoor parking lot.

Deciding to just grit her teeth and get it over with, Maura dialled the number she knew so well and waited. Five rings later, a breathless Angela answered the phone.

'Hello?'

'Angela, Hi.' Maura greeted.

'Maura how are you? Is everything okay?' Angela asked. 'Oh, hold on a second, Maura. _Emma! Emma go and sit down and finish your dinner!_ Sorry about that.'

'She isn't giving you any trouble I hope?' Maura asked with a concerned tone.

'Oh, no Maura, she's been very good. Well, as good as a four year old gets I suppose.' Maura smiled, but her expression changed when Angela continued. 'Anyway dear, why was it you called?'

'Um…well…okay.' Maura hesitated, wondering what the best way to go about this was. 'Angela I'm at the hospital and-'

'Maura! Is it Jane? Is everything okay?' Angela immediately went into panic mode.

'No, no Angela everything is fine. Well, no, not exactly, I just…' Maura fumbled around with her words, she felt the anxiety building up in her stomach like a bubbling pit of lava about to erupt at any moment.

'Maura, spit it out, what's going on?' Angela was beginning to get frustrated and it was obvious in her tone. Maura didn't blame her. If she was on the receiving end of her endless babble, she'd be getting annoyed with her lack of coherency too.

'Jane's awake, Angela.' Maura said, and then paused. There was silence from the other line, even Emma seemed to be quiet for a moment. Then;

'I sense there is a 'but' somewhere here, Maura.' Angela said softly.

'She has memory loss. She can't remember a thing, only that her name is Jane.' Maura could feel her throat tighten up thinking about what happened earlier today. 'She…she looked straight at me…and nothing. Not a flicker of recognition.' Maura could feel the tears fall down her face again and her breathing steadily increasing in pace.

'Well I'll be right there. I'll bring Emma and when Jane sees us she'll remember. I know she will.' Angela had a fierce determination in her voice.

'No! Don't being Emma. You may come of course; I would never deny you of that Angela. I discussed it with the doctor, and he doesn't think it would be wise to bombard Jane with her whole life in one go. Taking it steady would be the best option. First by introducing people who she sees every day, friends, co-workers, family, but to try and make it as impersonal as possible. If we suddenly shove Jane into this world that she had no idea about, the stress might result in her pushing the memories further back. You come in with Frankie and Tommy. Then in a few days I'll ask Frost and Korsak to come over.' Maura wiped the stray tears from her face.

'Okay, Maura, if you think that's what's best.' Angela sighed. 'But are you even going to tell her about Emma?'

Maura sighed. She wanted to…more than anything.

'No. Not just yet at least.' Maura sighed, rubbing her left temple. 'Come around whenever you can. I'm sure Tommy or Frankie can take care of her for a little while, they can come in tomorrow.'

'Alright. I'll see you in a bit.'

'Bye Angela.'

'And Maura?' Maura waited silently for Angela to continue. 'She'll remember. I know she will.'

'Yeah, I know.' Maura said quietly. They hung up and Maura took in a deep breath. Now if only she could believe her own words. Maura walked back into the building and headed for the bathrooms. She fixed up her smudged makeup, applying concealer to the red patches on her cheeks and drying up her face as much as possible until she was satisfied it looked like she'd never been crying.

* * *

Maura knocked three times on Jane's room door, and when she heard a soft 'come in', she opened the door with a soft smile on her face.

'Maura. Hi.' Jane whispered. Her eyes were wide and she scrutinised Maura. Everything from the way her hair was done up to the shoes she was wearing. Jane seemed to be searching every inch of Maura for something, but she seemed to come up blank.

'Hey, Jane. How are you feeling?' Maura sat on the chair beside the bed. She automatically went to hold Jane's hand but Jane had moved it away slightly from Maura's touch. Her heart broke, but she refused to let it show on her face, instead keeping her smile plastered on. 'I just called your mother, and she'll be here soon.'

Jane didn't respond. Maura wasn't really expecting one either, she suspected that Jane's throat still hurt. Well that's what Maura hoped anyway.

There was silence in the room; neither of the women making a move to talk. Every now and again, one of them would take in a deep breath, as if about to say something and the other would look over in anticipation, but they just ended up letting the air out in a deep sigh and they would sit in silence again.

Maura glanced over to Jane's fiddling hands. She was rubbing her palms together in an all-to familiar way.

'Why are you going that?' Maura asked. Jane tilted her head in questioning and Maura pointed to Jane rubbing the palms of her hands.

Jane looked down and studied her hands for a long time, her fingers sliding over the scars as she looked like she was in deep thought. Instead of answering her question however, Jane simply replied with;

'Hoyt?'

Maura sat upright in her chair immediately and stared at Jane with wide eyes.

'You remember Hoyt?' She gasped softly. For the first time since Jane had squeezed her hand this morning, Maura felt elated. Maybe there was hope after all. But Jane just shook her head.

'No…I…it was weird. I looked at my hands and as I touched my scars the name just came to my head. It was cold. Like death.' Jane shivered, and then looked up to meet Maura's eyes. 'Did he do this to me?' She lifted her hands up so Maura had a clear view of her scars.

'He was a very bad man.' Was the only response Maura gave and Jane looked back to her hands with a small frown. She was turning her hand in the air, looking at the scars on both sides in different angles like she was hoping that if she looked at them in the right light, they would suddenly give her the answers. Jane opened her mouth again to speak, but at that moment the door opened and Angela stood there, staring at Jane, awake and mobile, for the first time in a long time.

'Jane!' She gasped. Several emotions flickered through Angela's face and eyes in the span of half a second. Disbelief, joy, love, pain, worry, and happiness. They brought tears to Angela's eyes as she rushed to Jane's bedside went to hold Jane's hand. This time, unlike with Maura, Jane did not remove her hand. Maura felt a prang of jealousy ripple through her so quickly she almost didn't recognise it for what it was.

Maura studied Jane's reaction carefully. It was unlike when Jane laid eyes of Maura for the first time. In Jane's features there was more emotion, like if she was mentally connecting the dots of who the woman was in front of her. Maura didn't know if Jane knew this was her mother or not, but she was definitely more comfortable around her than with Maura.

Maura stood and moved quietly out of the door. She'd give Angela some privacy with Jane. Maura would have wanted it if she was in her position.

'Maura?' The familiar voice called out; uncertain, hesitant. Maura stopped and turned around. Her eyes met with Jane's and for a moment Maura imagined that it was how life was like for them three months ago. Happy, normal, amazing and perfect. Maura thought that maybe there was a flicker in Jane's eye…something deep inside of Jane recognising that Maura was something more to her...

But then again it could just be the lighting.

'Where are you going?' Jane continued. She shifted a little in her bed as she tried to get comfortable, but Maura thought it probably did little good.

'I was just going to give you some privacy.' Maura gestures to the door behind her. 'I'll be back later on though before Angela leaves.'

Jane nodded and turned her head to look back to Angela who began talking to Jane happily with tears in her eyes. As Maura was stepping out of the door, she turned her head to take one last look at Jane, her eyes met with the brown ones and they held eye-contact for a moment. She could see the confusion in Jane's eyes. Maura could see Jane racking her mind for some indication of what Maura was to her. But Maura could see that Jane just didn't remember, like there was an emotional block in her mind stopping her from gaining access to her memories again. Maura broke the eye contact by closing the door behind her. As she walked away, she bit her lip to hold back tears as she played with the two rings on her ring finger.

* * *

Jane was staring absentmindedly out of the window, losing herself in her thoughts. Night had long since come, and as she watched the flickering of the stars which were light-years away, she felt the huge gaping hole in her stomach throb painfully with the feeling of being all alone.

Of course, she wasn't. Well, apparently 'Jane' wasn't; the Real Jane anyway. The Real Jane had family, friends, a whole other life and people she could rely and trust and people who loved and cared for her. However, Memory-loss Jane felt cold and alone and was just wishing for somebody to wave a magic wand and turn back time so she never got into that car and be in the accident that changed her life forever.

Jane looked back to her palms and as she ran a light finger over one of the scars, a shiver ran though her spine.

_It was cold. And dark. So dark._

Jane gasped at what she could only assume was a memory which flashed before her eyes. She looked at her palms and turned one over, tracing the edges of the scar on the back of her hand.

_Her head was throbbing, and she was lying down on the cold, hard ground; pinned. When did that happen? She was standing a moment ago._

Jane closed her eyes and let in a shaky breath as she waited for more fragmented images to come to her mind. No more came. Sighing, Jane opened her eyes again. There was a chill in her spine that she couldn't seem to shake off.

Jane looked around the room and her eyes settled on the blonde lady who had been there when Jane woke up today. _Maura, _Jane told herself, _her name is Maura._

She studied Maura's sleeping form. She was still in the chair beside Jane's bed, her head on the edge of Jane's pillow. One of her legs was curled underneath her body, Maura looked like she was almost sitting on it, and the other slung over it.

It looked like a position Maura had adopted from spending so many nights in the hospital with Jane.

Jane rested her head back against her pillow and realised that her face was in close proximity to the side of Maura's. There was a sweet scent coming from Maura. _Her shampoo maybe?_ Jane closed her eyes and breathed it in. It was soothing, comforting…

Familiar.

Jane's breaths slowly became deeper. There some something routine about falling asleep with Maura's head close to hers. Maura's body close to hers. Just Maura being close to her.

As Jane felt herself slowly begin to trudge over the line to sleep, she began to see images playing behind her closed eyelids. Memories. Moments. Forgotten Happiness.

She couldn't see a face, she didn't hear a name. But when she heard that laugh, saw a flash of a smile, felt a second of a kiss, she could smell that perfume.

Even though Jane couldn't connect the dots, whether it was because her brain had gone into sleep mode or otherwise, she felt comfort and security. She felt something she hadn't felt since she woke up today.

Jane felt whole.


	3. A Missing Life

**Thanks again for the awesome reviews and the favorites and follows. You guys are angels 3**

**I don't need to do another disclaimer do I? I'm sure you all know I don't own anything.**

**Enjoy the chapter and tell me your thoughts xx**

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'Angela?' Maura called through the house when she returned home. It was late in the evening so she kept her voice down, perhaps Emma was already asleep.

'Maura, hi.' Angela's face appeared around the corner. 'She just got to sleep. She's been quite restless, wondering where you and Jane were.' Angela had a forlorn expression. 'I didn't know what to say, except that you'd be coming home soon.' Maura nodded as she pulled her coat off and hung it beside the door.

'Thank you Angela, for everything that you are doing.' Angela didn't say anything, only nodded and kissed Maura's cheek.

'Call if you need anything.' Maura smiled and watched as Angela left the house. Making her way to her bedroom, Maura slipped into something more comfortable and she turned around intending to go to Emma's bedroom and check on her. She stopped however, when she saw a little face peer over the side of her door. Her eyes were wide and curious and she clutched the bottom of her t-shirt that she was wearing to bed.

'Mummy?' Her little voice rang out. Maura quickly walked over to Emma and knelt in front of her, pulling her into a hug and giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

'Why aren't you sleeping?' Maura asked softly, picking up the infant and carrying her to her bedroom.

'I didn't want to go to sleep because I didn't know where you were and I love you.' Maura smiled at Emma and tucked a strand of her dark brown hair behind her ear.

'I was just at the big doctors.' Maura answered as she placed Emma into her bed and tucked her in.

'Seeing Mama?' Her voice was small and innocent. She didn't know, of course, that Jane had forgotten her daughter. Or Maura. Jane didn't know a lot at this stage. Maura took in a deep breath and tried to remain positive.

'Yes darling.' Maura stroked Emma's hair softly, in the way that she knew that her daughter loved.

'Is she better yet?' Emma's eyes were large and brown and she stared up to Maura as she waited for an answer. Maura bit her lip as she looked into her daughter's eyes. She stopped stroking Emma's hair, and instead climbed into her small bed with her. Emma moved over so Maura could get in, then snuggled into the familiar body, burying her head in the crook of Maura's neck, her small fingers playing with Maura's necklace.

'No, not yet.' Maura said softly. They were silent for a few minutes as Maura hummed softly to Emma while she resumed back to stroking her hair. 'Emma?' Maura began. Emma lifted her head. Her eyes were drooping with the heaviness of lack of sleep, but she managed to keep them open long enough to listen to what Maura was going to say. 'I love you. And Mama does too.'

Emma nodded slowly and closed her eyes, curling closer to Maura before finally falling asleep in her mother's arms.

* * *

Jane was looking through the photos that Maura had brought in to the hospital two weeks later. It was part of her psychology program that would hopefully assist her in regaining her memory. Jane shifted through the photos slowly, her eyes going over every inch, memorising every face, and asking about the people she hadn't recognised.

She'd be happy to say that she's going well with her road to recovery, because that's what the nurses say to her every morning when they come in to bring her, her breakfast. Maura had taken a few weeks leave from work to be there for her during the early stages of her recovery. Maura works as the Chief Medical Examiner in the Boston Police Department. She helps Jane, and others, during the cases with her exceptional work. They also frequently spent time together, sometimes with other co-workers, but a lot of the time just the two of them.

Apparently they were very close.

Jane couldn't help but feel completely at ease with Maura there by her side, watching Jane go through the photos and offering information when Jane asks. When Maura wasn't here, the blond woman seemed to occupy most of her thoughts, but everything felt a little vague, lost. During Jane's compulsory counselling sessions, she explained this feeling to the shrink, Dr Woodley. Apparently this was to be expected, considering Jane's condition. Jane told Dr Woodley that even though her memories of Maura were a bit static, when she was with Jane in the hospital bedroom, Jane felt an overwhelming sense of comfort and support, like a security blanket being wrapped around her tightly. Dr Woodley just smiled and made a note in her folder.

Even though the doctors tried to remain optimistic about Jane's memory loss, she could tell that she wasn't getting the full picture at times, and she didn't know if that was the work of her mother, or Maura. Jane could see that Maura cared deeply for Jane, and that she would want to prevent any information getting to Jane that could distress her further.

Maura seemed like the kind of person who could charm her way into getting something done her way. She doesn't seem like somebody you can win an argument with.

But Jane is quickly picking up on the tricks of the trade with Maura. One that had been particularly useful is that apparently, she cannot lie. She goes all red and flustered and gets hives. Naturally, Jane has been using this to her advantage.

Jane let the photos rest on her lap and she turned her head to face Maura. She was awfully close to Jane, closer that what friends usually are, but strangely Jane didn't want her to move. She was slowly getting intoxicated by her lovely fragrance, her hazel eyes and the charm in her smile, and the smoothness of her skin.

'Maura, do you think I'll ever get my memory back?' Jane's out of the blue question completely threw Maura off, and Jane watched her struggle with a way to come up with an answer. 'Please, Maura, spare my feelings. I need to know. Am I ever going to remember everything?' Jane's eyes were pleading as she met the gaze of the woman sitting beside her. Jane could see the internal war waging within Maura's mind as she debated something over. Whether she was debating on if she is going to tell Jane what she wants to know, or how she'll tell Jane what she wants to know, was unknown, and for five agonising minutes, silence consumed the room in an engulfing smoke.

Jane took the silence as her answer.

She nodded slowly and picked up the photos from her lap and started going through them again, biting her lip. She didn't want how she was feeling show on her face.

'Jane,' Maura began softly, bringing a soft hand to hold Jane's. Jane looked down at Maura's hand and squeezed it gently. 'You just have to keep positive that you will gain your memory back. Because the second you give up, is the second you lose the fight.' Jane couldn't meet Maura's eyes. She wanted to ask…it's a question that's been on the tip on her tongue for a while now.

'Do…' Jane took in a breath and let it out in a soft sigh. 'Do you want me to remember?' Jane forced her eyes to look into Maura's, if only to watch the woman's reaction to her question. Maura swallowed and turned her head to the window and didn't answer straight away. Jane could see a glint of the midday sunlight reflect of a tear that fell down Maura's cheek. Taking in a shaky breath, Maura replied, still looking out the window.

'More than anything in the world, Jane. You have no idea what it does to me to see you like this.' Her voice cracked a little at the end, but Jane ignored it. She slowly brought her hand to cup Maura's cheek, and with her thumb brushed away the tear that was positioned there. Maura turned her head to look back at Jane and gave her a faint smile. Clearing her throat, Maura shifted in her seat to lean over Jane's shoulder to look at the photo which was at the top of the photo pile. Following her lead, Jane removed her hand from Maura's cheek and focused her attention to the images.

It was the four of them, Maura, herself, and also Frost and Korsac. Frost and Korsak had visited Jane a few times in the past three weeks, which has been nice. Jane enjoyed seeing them. They talked about cases they worked, their friendship, and what they did in their spare time. They've mentioned a few times a bar they go to called 'The Dirty Robber'. Looking at the picture, Jane assumed this was the place.

'It was Barry's birthday, and we threw him a surprise birthday party.' Maura's voice narrated over the top of Jane's shoulder. 'It was my idea, and you were very reluctant in carrying it through. You seemed convinced that he wouldn't want one. But I insisted, and eventually I think you must have gotten sick of bickering with me about it, and just let me do as I pleased. Your only request was that it would be at The Dirty Robber; and not one of my high-class, high-priced restaurants where the only thing you can read on the menu is the prices.' Jane could basically hear the smile in Maura's voice as she talked. Jane listened intently and studied the picture in her hands. _So familiar_. Jane thought, but she just couldn't bring the memory to the front of her mind.

Maura stood up from her chair, and as it slid back, it hit Maura's large purse which was balancing on the bedside table next to a glass of water. When Maura hit the bag, it swiftly knocked the glass to the ground, breaking it against the hard floor.

'Oh my goodness!' Maura gasped as she jumped. Jane jumped too, but for a different reason entirely.

* * *

'_Jane! Can you please be more careful?' Maura scolded Jane as she knelt down to pick up the larger glass fragments on the kitchen floor, and Jane knelt down to help._

'_Jesus, I'm so sorry Maur, I didn't mean it.' Jane gushed. Maura shook her head._

'_It's quite alright, Jane, I'm sure you didn't mean to.' Maura smiled at Jane. 'Could you get the vacuum cleaner for me please?' Jane nodded and headed to the closest where Maura kept her cleaning supplies. When she returned, Maura had removed the large pieces from the floor, and all that was left was tiny pieces that couldn't be picked up by hand. 10 minutes later, it was as if the mess was never made._

'_See, that's what happens when you argue with me.' Jane pointed to the floor. 'I break your stuff.' She had a playful grin on her face, one that she couldn't seem to take off her lips these past few months when she's around Maura._

'_I highly doubt that the reason you dropped my glass was because I was insisting on throwing Barry a birthday surprise party.' Maura gave Jane a particular look._

'_Well, I guess we'll never know.' Jane winked as she went to the fridge to retrieve a beer and headed for Maura's couch to watch the beginning of the Red Sox game. Maura arrived to sit next to Jane a few minutes later with a glass of wine. Jane couldn't concentrate on the game however; she could basically feel Maura' brain buzzing next to her as Maura tried to restrain from asking Jane again. Finally, Maura couldn't seem to hold herself together any longer._

'_But why not Jane? He's your colleague, your friend, your partner. He'd do the same for you!' Maura was basically whining, which earned an eyebrow raise from Jane as Maura didn't normally whinge._

'_No, Maura, he wouldn't.' Jane said slowly. 'That's why we get along, Maur. We have these sort of unspoken agreements about certain subjects. And surprise birthday parties are a 'no''. Maura huffed and Jane tried to restrain an amused smirk. She'd never seen Maura in such a huff. Jane had a suspicion that it was more to do with the fact that Jane was refusing Maura to throw a surprise party rather than Jane insisting that Frost wouldn't want one._

'_Oh, Jane, _please_!' Maura began again. Jane sighed and rubbed one temple. Jane had two options now, really. First was to continue to refuse Maura's attempts at throwing a surprise birthday party, and then eventually after long and tiring hours of Maura going on, and on, and on about it, give in and tell Maura she can do it, or her second option was to cut the suffering early and just let her do what she pleases._

_The decision was easy, really._

'_Fine.' Jane sighed. Maura jumped in her seat in excitement, her face breaking out into a huge smile which Jane couldn't help but return._

'_Oh Jane, you won't regret it I promise! I already have some ideas planned out – just in case you said 'yes' of course, I wanted to be prepared. There's this lovely restaurant that has recently opened up not too far from here. The reviews so far have been –'_

'_No, no. Maura, stop.' Jane held her hand to Maura's mouth to stop the blabber. 'You can throw this party on one condition.' Maura's eyebrows rose, asking Jane to continue. 'It has, and I mean, absolutely _must_, be at The Dirty Robber, and not one of those high-class, high-priced restaurants that you drag me too where the only thing I can understand on the menu are the prices.' Jane could see the thoughts turning over in Maura's head. After a few minutes, Jane continued. 'Well? Do we have a deal?'_

_Jane felt Maura smile on her palm and Maura nodded her head._

* * *

'Jane?' Maura said slowly, keeping eye contact with Jane. Jane looked to the floor where the glass had broken, but the mess was already cleaned up. A nurse must have come in. Jane nodded her head and smiled to Maura.

'I remember that.' Jane said, her smile still playing at her lips. 'I remember telling you that, about the Dirty Robber. I had broken your glass earlier on.'

Maura's expression was blank for a moment. Then, slowly, little by little her facial expression changed. Soon she bore a smile that was so bright that it could power Paris for a week, and the happiness in her eyes gave Jane the best feeling possible in her heart. Tears fell down Maura's cheek from the pure joy, and Jane was pretty sure that Maura's heart was being consumed by the strongest feeling of elation and relief.

She had never seen somebody react like that to a broken glass.

But she was guessing it meant more to Maura than it did to her.


	4. Now I See Why

**Hey! So this chapter is pretty short, like 1,500 words and don't hate me okay? It's just a filler chapter and it just sets the ball in motion for the later chapters. Thank you all so much (again) for the reviews/follows/favorites. It's just so great seeing my story have such a lovely response and I love reading your reviews so keep them up!**

**Hope this is alright guys, and as i said, it's just a filler. x**

* * *

It had to be sometime past midnight, Jane was sure of it. The sun had long since gone down and her room was filled with a darkness that was consuming. There was no light from outside; no moon, not a single star.

It was pitch black.

It's been almost six weeks since the accident, and seeing as Jane is in a much more stable condition, she doesn't need as much of the machines by her bedside as before. The only one that was there was the machine monitoring her heart, and it was working diligently and silently.

Jane sighed. She wanted to roll over to sleep on her side, but she was just too lazy to move around and try get comfortable. Instead she lay on her back and stared ahead, thinking about life. They were transferring her to the rehab centre tomorrow. Jane's done a few limited exercises at the hospital, but they were mostly for keeping the circulation going strong though her body, seeing as she was lying down so much now.

Maura has been assuring Jane for the past week that this was the best rehab facility for her needs as a patient. She seems to be able to tell that Jane's scared and worried. The doctor told her that it's possible for it to take up to a year for Jane to be somewhat back to normal.

But the chances were that she was never going to be a detective again. Well, not like she used to anyway. The physiotherapist from the rehab centre came to visit Jane and Maura the other day. He went over her file and talked to her about the treatment plan that would work best for her. Maura seemed to be more concerned about the facility and their cares than Jane was. She kept on asking questions about the programs that they have available, counselling, and visiting hours.

Jane felt a flutter of thrill when Maura made it perfectly clear to the physiotherapist that she'd be visiting every day, regardless of what they said.

Jane let out a yawn, and looked to the electronic clock on the bedside table. It was past three thirty.

'I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes.' Jane murmured, snuggling into the hospital blankets.

* * *

What seemed like a second later, a nurse was opening the hospital room door and talking cheerily to Jane.

'Good morning, Jane. I trust you slept well last night? Heard you were moving to the rehab clinic today! Good on you! It'll be tough, but I know you can get through it. You're a fighter.' Jane recognised the voice to be Nurse Gemma Sleigh. She was always overly cheerful in the mornings. Her blonde hair was tied up in a smooth ponytail and her eyes were their usual bright and happy green.

'Hi Gemma. Yeah, it's crazy.' Jane yawned. 'Urgh, but I didn't really sleep well last night.' Jane admitted.

'Oh no. Why's that?' Gemma helped Jane sit up straight and she brought over the table so Jane could eat her breakfast.

'Dunno. Thinking about today I guess. I'm a little nervous.'

'Don't be Jane. It's going to be tough, I'm not going to lie to you, but you'll get through. Just remember that after every tough day you have from here on in, it will only get better.' Jane smiled to Gemma.

'Thanks.'

'No problem, Jane. Now it's nine o'clock, and according to the schedule your ride will be here at eleven thirty. So eat up, then when you're ready a nurse will come on and help you get showed and dressed and ready to go. Is Maura coming in today?' Gemma asked as she made her way to the door. She turned around to meet Jane's eyes and her cream fingers held on the doorhandle.

'Yeah. Well I think so. She said she was, and she'd never let me down before…so…' Jane trailed off and shrugged. Gemma smiled at the soft blush that rose on Jane's cheeks.

'You're really lucky Jane, to have somebody like Maura by your side.' Jane nodded and bit her lip. She knew she was lucky. But she felt like something was being held back in their friendship and she couldn't figure out what it was.

'I just wish I could remember her properly, you know? I feel like I've missed so much of our life.' Jane sighed and looked to the side. 'I feel like I've disappointed her in some way.' Gemma walked back to Jane's bedside and stared at Jane with her piercing green eyes until Jane met her gaze.

'Now you listen to me, Jane Rizzoli. You know I've told you that you've been one of my more stubborn patients, but if you start going on about how you've disappointed Maura by not remembering, I will…well, I don't know what I'll do, but trust me I'll figure something out!' Jane scoffed at the nurse, but a smile quickly overtook her features.

'Thanks Gemma…I think.' Gemma smiled and walked to the door and opened it.

'Oh! Speak of the devil. She's just about to eat breakfast, but I'm sure she won't mind you staying with her.' Jane's interest perked up and she looked to the door to see who Gemma was talking to. When Gemma stepped aside, Jane got a clear view of Maura and broke into a huge smile.

'Maura! Hi. I'm so glad you came.' Maura smiled at Jane's greeting and brought the chair from the corner of the room closer so she was sitting next to Jane.

'How are you feeling?' Maura asked

'Scared.' Jane replied honestly. Maura bit her lip in empathy and reached over to hold Jane's hand.

'Don't be.' Maura whispered softly, her thumb rubbing the top of Jane's hand. 'Everything will be fine. You're strong, you'll get through this.' Jane squeezed Maura's hand affectionately. When Maura said that things were going to be okay, Jane couldn't help but believe every word.

She had that feeling in her stomach again. The fluttering, the nervousness. But she was sure it wasn't because of her pending transfer to rehab, but more because of the beautiful blonde woman sitting in front of her, with eyes that showed nothing but love, comfort and acceptance.

The more Jane looked at Maura, the more she felt herself change. Like she was finally rubbing her eyes and seeing things clearer. And as Jane's eyes ran over Maura's face she felt the feeling grow like a blossoming rose, and as she watched as the rose began to blossom, she just knew that it would have the sweetest fragrance she'd ever know.

Maura's lips curved into a small smile and they just stared into each other's eyes for a long time. Jane felt like she had discovered one of the seven wonders of the world and Jane could almost smell the beautiful rose before realisation struck her harder that the truck all those months ago.

Maura is a beautiful, talented, successful medical examiner. She could have any person in the world.

Why would she want somebody like Jane?

Broken, hurting; the blinding pain Jane felt had nothing to do with all her broken bones, but more because she just felt her heart flutter with the most wonderful feeling in the world she'd yet to experience, only to have it shatter into millions of jaggered shards.

The feeling had come so quickly it was suffocating, and she needed nothing more in the world that to take a breath of air but she couldn't get her body to work as it should. Her lungs burned, but it was nothing compared to the searing pain in her heart. For a terrifying moment, Jane thought she was going to cry in front of Maura and then have to explain what brought the sudden change of emotions.

But Jane gained control.

Rather easily, she'll admit. As if somebody flicked a switch inside of her and she contained her emotions, and she didn't feel the crushing pain anymore. But she didn't feel the love either. Her heart just felt numb, like it didn't belong to her.

It disturbed Jane a little, the fact that she could contain how she was feeling so easily in a moment. But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense to her. Because after all, one doesn't simply fall in love in a heartbeat. Something must have just happened to unlock this feeling in Jane's memories. But that's not what disturbed Jane. It was the fact that she was able to deal with it so quickly, like she'd done it a million times before.

And that's when Jane realised, she probably has done it a million times before, I mean, how can somebody be around Maura and _not_ fall for her?

Jane loves Maura.

But why would Maura ever go for somebody like her?

That's right.

She wouldn't.

Jane sighed and turned to look at the food on her table and began picking at it with her fork. This must be what was holding itself back in Jane's mind, and now she knows why. And if Jane could have things her way, she'd rather have never remembered her feelings for Maura at all.

Not if it causes her this much agony.


	5. This Is Why My Heart Hurts

**Okay hi; I am so sorry It's been over a week since my last upload by I have been crazy sick with this flu and I've been bedridden and disgusting and you guys don't really want to know the details right? right.**

**Alrighty, so I had a review from an Anon who asked why doesn't Maura just tell Jane about their life. Well, I though 'Hey, this is probably a good idea to go into in case there are other people who are wondering the same thing.' So that's what this chapter is. So here you go, Anon, this is for you :)**

**Enjoy, thank you all for the follows/favorites/reviews. They keep me motivated :) I hope you like this next chapter. And there will be some happiness soon I think. All this drama is making my heart hurt.**

**xx**

* * *

'We're here!' The voice of the driver broke Jane out of her reverie. During the whole trip to the rehab clinic, Jane had avoided making eye-contact with Maura for too long, keeping their conversations short and unemotional. Jane wondered if Maura sensed the change in Jane's behaviour, or if she just thought it was because she was nervous about rehab.

Two nurses come to help Jane out of the car and into a wheelchair. Maura had kept her distance, observing unusually quietly. Usually with any regards to Jane's health, she had to know every single detail of what was happening. So Jane found Maura's silence odd, but didn't comment in case Maura in turn called upon Jane's recent behaviour.

In a surprisingly short about of time, Jane was settled into her room, being told about her weekly schedule, but she wasn't paying much attention to the young nurse in front of her. Her eyes were trained on Maura. She was standing outside Jane's room talking to the head physician. Because Jane's door was wide open, she had a clear view of Maura and she couldn't seem to direct her focus anywhere else.

She was dressed rather casually compared to her usual outfits. Light coloured jeans which accentuated the curve of her bum, and an emerald green blouse which brought out green flecks in her hazel eyes. She was so beautiful, and it was almost painful for Jane to look at her.

Maura didn't seem to notice Jane's gaze however; her concentration was directed to the doctor in front of her. She had a crease of concentration etched onto her forehead as she listened intently to whatever he was saying. It didn't seem to be something that Maura was happy to hear though if the small frown on Maura's lips was anything to go by. Her eyes flickered quickly over to Jane lying in her bed, but when she caught Jane's intense gaze, she found her eyes locked onto the deep brown ones.

The moment seemed to go on for an infinite amount of time before Maura broke the moment by turning back to the doctor and saying something to him. Jane let out a small sigh and looked to her fingers and began to play with them.

'Mrs Rizzoli?' Jane looked up to look at the nurse who was talking to her earlier.

'Ms.' Jane corrected with a sigh, looking back at her fingers. 'I'm not married.' She continued. The nurse frowned in confusion and checked her clipboard again. There, it clearly says she's married. The nurse looked to Jane again when she realised what was going on. The poor woman doesn't even remember that she's married. The nurse checked through the Rizzoli file again. It didn't say anything about the memory loss being this extensive, which was strange as these sorts of things had to be noted. The nurse went to the head physician to comment of the inaccurate report when she caught on the conversation he was having with Mrs Rizzoli's wife.

'She's suppressing her memories.' The doctor said.

'So you're telling me that Jane is refusing to remember me and our life?' Maura said in a hushed tone to not allow Jane to hear the topic of their conversation.

'No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Just that the reason that she is struggling to remember is perhaps she feels like she is protecting herself.' Maura pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. She was silent for a few moments before taking in a deep breath and letting it out. Maura nodded slowly and thanked the doctor and walked over to Jane's bedside.

'I have to go, Jane. I have a lot of papers to catch up on at home. But I'll come in tomorrow to check up on you alright?' Maura asked, giving Jane's hand a small squeeze that the brunette returned.

'Yeah, sounds good.' Jane gave Maura a small smile, which Maura returned weakly. 'See you tomorrow.'

'Try to get a good night's rest tonight.' Maura continued, running a hand though Jane's hair. 'And eat a good breakfast tomorrow. You have a lot of work you'll be doing and it will tire you out greatly.' Jane nodded obediently, closing her eyes at the Maura's touch. It felt so intimate and it sent shivers down Jane's spine. 'Goodbye Jane.'

'Bye Maura.' Jane opened her eyes to watch Maura's retreating figure and sighed. She just wanted things to get back to normal; whatever normal was anyway.

* * *

It's the forth night in a row that Maura has been awoken by Angela because she'd fallen asleep at her computer again. And a gentle nudge from her mother figure and a soft 'are you alright' was all it took for Maura to fall apart in the elder Rizzoli's arms, blubbering about none-sense that somehow made sense to Angela.

It was quite late, around eleven at night, and Angela handed Maura a cup of decaffeinated tea to help soothe the distressed woman. She placed a soft blanket around Maura's shoulders which were shivering slightly, and she rubbed Maura's knee affectionately, waiting patiently for Maura to talk about what it was in particular that was bothering her.

There was a good fifteen minutes of silence which was only punctuated by a few sniffled from Maura and her shaky breaths. It took her a while to calm down enough to talk properly, and during that time Angela only offered support and comfort.

'It's just so hard.' Maura finally said, placing the half drunken mug on the coffee table and wrapping the blanket tighter around her. 'It's so hard to look at her every day and know that she doesn't remember.'

'Maura…' Angela said softly, bringing Maura in for a hug. Maura rested her head on Angela's shoulder and felt the tears fall down her cheeks again, but not nearly as heavily as before.

'I know she feels something.' Maura continued. 'I know she remembers something, but she won't say. I don't know why. Does she not trust me anymore? Have I done something to her?' Maura took in a deep breath. 'I just want to understand, Angela. I want to know why.'

'We all do, Maura, we all do.' Angela replied in a soothing tone, rubbing circles into Maura's back.

'I asked the doctor, and he says she's supressing her memories. What for? Why would she want to do that? Does she not want to remember me? Emma? Our life?' Maura's voice was slowly increasing in pitch. 'Is this what she wants? To forget everything we had together? Our dreams? I'm sorry, but I don't want that to happen. I don't want to forget. She's too wonderful and perfect to forget. She completes me. And I thought I completed her. At least she told me so. Was that all a lie? Was she just saying that all to please me? Was our love fake? Is this why she's _suppressing her memories_?'

'Maura, you know Jane loves you, very much. With her whole heart and so much more. You know she loves Emma with every fibre in her body. You don't know what's going through Jane's mind, nobody does. That's what makes this all so difficult to deal with. But that's why we have family, that's why _you_ have a family, Maura; to help you deal with what's happening.

'This is going to be tough, we all knew that from the very beginning, but it's better than what the doctors were saying when Jane was in the coma. Do you remember that? They didn't believe she'd ever wake up, and if she did that she'd have significant brain injuries that would stop her from living a full and happy life. They were saying she'd be a potato. They were saying that she'd be better off if we cut off the life support if she didn't wake up after two months. But you were persistent, Maura. You didn't listen to them or their odds. You made sure that Jane was being taken care of. You almost never left her side. You fought for her when she couldn't, and you're still fighting for her now, the game just got tougher, is all.'

Angela's voice was strong, reassuring. There were levels of trust in it that Maura couldn't deny, and it made Maura feel a little better about the situation as a whole, but doubt was still clouding her heart.

'I really want to just tell her Angela.' Maura sighed. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her inner thoughts down, but they kept returning to Jane, when she was healthy and a part of her life and family. And then it would juxtapose with her memories of Jane looking at her blankly, without recollection, and it got her all riled up again. 'I just want her to know! I don't know how much longer I can take this! I just want to tell her already and get this mess over with!' Maura hadn't realised how lough her voice had gotten, she wasn't thinking about much else apart from Jane at this moment.

'You know you can't Maura.' Angela said calmly. 'You remember what the doctor said? It won't do well with her rehabilitation. She has more of a chance of remembering everything if she remembers on her own accord, when her mind is ready for it. If you storm in there and start telling her about this life that she had no idea of…well, Maura you of all people should know what that could do to her recovery. She'll get stressed, lose concentration, she'll feel worse than before because now she knows what she can't remember and she'll feel like she's letting you down even more than she already thinks.

'Remember the doctor? He suspects that her memory is coming back in her life stages. He thinks that slowly she is going to remember everything, but it will happen in a certain order and if we try and disrupt that order by pushing what shouldn't be pushed, it will only bring back luck. She has most of her childhood and young adult life memory. It's the last ten or so years that are still stuck in her somewhere. We just have to be patient Maura, trust her that she'll pull through. You know she will, Maura. You're just anxious because you want her back here. You want your daughter to be with both her parents as soon as possible. I know how much it means to you to have Emma know that her parents lover her and will never leave her.' Angela did her best to calm Maura, and she was doing a good job, but something about her last words set Maura off again.

'Her parents will never leave her.' Maura muttered under her breath, standing up and pacing behind the couch. 'Her mother had already left her! Jane's gone! She isn't coming back! She'll never remember! If she hasn't remembered by now, what makes you think that she will in the future? She looks at me in the eyes every day Angela.' Maura's voice was crackling, her chest was tight and she struggled to breathe. 'Every day she looks at me and _nothing_. She doesn't remember. I want to bring Emma over so Jane can see her, maybe then she'll remember, but the doctor said no. The _bastard_! I mean, who does he think he is? By baby girl is without her mother, asking for her every day. Asking if she is okay, if she can see Mama, if Mama is better yet so she can come home. I'm without my wife. Of course, I still see Jane, and I can touch her and talk to her, but I've lost my wife.' Maura stubbornly wiped away the tears that fell from her cheeks. Some tears escaped her finger's path and dribbled down her neck, but by this point Maura didn't even care. She wanted to sit, to regain her breath but she couldn't seem to do that. She felt like she was slowly suffocating, choking. And Jane was her air supply but that had been cut off and the only thing she could do now was give wheezy breaths and gasps for air, trying not to let the darkness overwhelm her too much.

'It's just so hard.' Maura finally had lowered her voice to a painful whisper. 'It's so hard Angela.'

'I know sweetie.' Angela said comfortingly. 'I know it is. But you have to be strong. If not for yourself, then for Emma.'

'Emma.' Maura breathed out her daughter's name as if it were a new temporary oxygen supply. '_God_ Emma. Imagine how she feels, and she doesn't even know what's happening with Jane. I mean, how much longer can I keep telling her that Jane is sleeping every time she wants to see her mother?' It didn't seem like Maura was asking Angela, but the universe as a whole. 'Is there going to be a time where I have to tell my baby girl that Mama doesn't know who she is? That Mama's forgotten her? That Mama's forgotten this house? That Mama's forgotten Sunday trips to the park? That Mama's forgotten family dinners? That Mama's forgotten everything to do with Emma and our life together?' Maura's sentences were punctuated with sobs and gasping's for air.

Maura looked over to Angela who looked at her sympathetically, reaching her hands over the top of the couch to grasp onto Maura's. They shared eye contact for a few seconds before a moving shadow from behind Maura caught Angela's eye. When Angela shifted her head to get a better view, her eyes widened in shock and Maura turned around to see what Angela was staring at.

Maura felt like the air in her lungs got whacked out of her, and once again she was left feeling winded. Emma stood at the entrance of the living room, clutching the hem of her tiny Red Sox t-shirt that she insisted on wearing to bed.

She had tiny tears in her eyes; soft little beads that slowly trickled down her cheek and a heartbroken expression on her delicate features. For such a small child, she seemed to grasp what was happening with impressive speed. Time for Maura seemed to slow down. Emma blinked once, and Maura turned her whole body, her hands leaving Angela's which fell limply on the back of the couch. As Maura took a step towards Emma, to pick her up and hold her, to comfort her, to tell her baby that everything would be okay, Emma turned around sharply, her long curly brown hair flipping over her shoulder and she ran away to her bedroom. Shortly after, a door slam told Maura that Emma had returned to her room.

Maura stood in the middle of the room, shock and hurt all wrapping up into one huge emotion with a nice little red bow on it.

'Do you want me to go after her?' Angela asked; she was standing beside Maura. When did that happen? Maura nodded her head limply as she watched Angela go after her granddaughter.

There were a few seconds where Maura didn't do anything, just stood there. She wasn't even sure of she was breathing. But then her legs couldn't hold her weight any longer, and she collapsed on the floor, sobbing silently to herself and mentally cursing whoever it was that put this distress onto her family.

Angela never gave out from Emma's room, Maura suspected she would sleep with her granddaughter tonight to keep her company and hold her while she cried.

Maura didn't have somebody to keep her company and hold her whilst she cried.

Well, she did. But that person didn't remember who she was.

Maura felt very alone in the world.

Curling up into the fetal position Maura cried to herself for an immeasurable period of time until she fell into an uneasy sleep on the cold, lonely floor.


	6. Here To Help You Remember

**hey hi okay. So basically I've been waiting to post this chapter (and the one that will follow it) for ever so I just couldn't wait another day to post it. It's quite short, just over 1,200 words, but it sets the next chapter up so I'm pretty excited for it so yay :)**

**and also, to 'mrj726';**

**I actually want to thank you for your review. I'm not sure entirely how to respond to it personally, but then I thought that I may as well do it here because then I can tell others to read it (the review). So basically (if you guys haven't grasped already) this is NOT a medically accurate fic. I have little knowledge on medical practices/terms/how doctors help heal patients with trauma etc, but also I get confused with English words because it's not my first language. I try though to get what I'm saying to be correct, but I will make mistakes like you pointed out. With the last chapter, I want to apologise because I looked it up after your review, I found that you were indeed correct. To everybody else who doesn't know what the review is; basically I screwed up on the whole suppressed/repressed memory thing. And that Jane actually has _repressed_ memory, rather than suppressed - which mrj726 so kindly pointed out to me, so thank you again. Another medically inaccurate 'theme' in this fic is that memory loss due to something like brain damage in a car accident is usually permanent.**

**So in short, if there is any further medical/grammatical errors in my stories, please, please, please let me know like mrj726 did. I really do appreciate it. And I also apologise for any in the future.**

**and also to the anon who asked why is Maura always hurt; I can only assume that you're talking about my other fic? Because I do not recall Maura being 'hurt' in this fic. But in answer to your question, she isn't really 'hurt' but more she is struggling with how to cope with Jane - it's incredibly difficult for her to deal with and she just really needed to let all her emotions out.**

**Now seeing as all my announcements are officially done; read :) thanks again for the reviews and favorites and follows :) they make my day :) please review with thoughts everyone :)**

* * *

Quickly collecting herself from her minor breakdown earlier in the week, Maura had decided to not go to the rehab clinic for a few days. She had been working on her plan to get Jane's memory back every moment in her day that hadn't been occupied by work or Emma. Her decision to go against 'doctor's orders' came the day after Emma overheard Maura's conversation with Angela; Maura had sat Emma down on the couch and gave her daughter a cup of hot chocolate and lightly explained what had happened to Jane. Emma seemed to accept that the memory loss was temporary, but Maura could see that she was still struggling with it. Maura held Emma in a tight hug and whispered to her;

'Don't worry, darling, we'll see Mama soon. I promise.'

So for the past three days, Maura had been going through all their photo albums, picture frames, and photos on the computer they didn't print looking for key images that would hopefully shed some light onto the situation.

Everything from anniversaries, birthdays, celebrations, and just family trips together Maura had selected the ones she thought would hold the most meaning to Jane. There were some seemingly mundane shots in there too; ones that Maura or Angela had taken without knowledge. There was one where Jane was in the backyard with Emma; they'd been playing for hours when Jane went into the house and came back outside with a package. Emma had opened it excitingly to reveal a tiny Red Sox jersey, the same one that Jane had. Maura had snapped the photo just had Emma opened it and was looking at Jane with joy. Maura thought this would be something she'd remember.

All the images had been tastefully glued into an A4 spiral book, with notes on the event and dates written beside it in a black pen in Maura's handwriting. Maura went through the book again and studied the images which were in chronological order and smiled. Jane was going to be hers again; whether the doctor liked it or not.

* * *

The drive to the clinic was agonisingly slow. Maura felt like her insides were practically bubbling, but she didn't know it if was excitement, nerves, or because she was directly ignoring a doctor's order.

When she arrived at reception, the receptionist looked up and gave Maura a pleasant, but surprised smile.

'Mrs Rizzoli, what a pleasant surprise.' She smiled to Maura. 'You're here to see Jane?' She continued politely. Maura clutched her back which held the notebook a little tighter.

'Yes I am. Is she free?' Maura asked. The receptionist checked the patient schedule on the database, silence enveloping the two for a few minutes. Then;

'No, she's in physio right now. But you're welcome to wait in her room? She should be finished in ten.' Maura smiled to the lady, Adrianna, her nametag read.

'Thank you so much, I think I will.' Maura nodded her head and walked down the hallways until she found room 122. Despite Adrianna telling her Jane was still in physio, Maura still knocked, and opened the door slowly. The bed was empty, and there were no signs on Jane anywhere else in the room.

Taking a seat beside the bed, Maura tried to pay attention to the news channel on TV, but it didn't hold her attention. The only thin her mind was on was her bag and the notebook in her bag which felt like it was growing heavier with every minute Maura was alone with it. Just as she was second-guessing her decision to come with it, the door opened and Maura turned her head to see a chatty nurse pushing a bored and tired Jane in a wheelchair to her bed.

'Oh, look at that you have a visitor, Jane. How lovely!' She cheered. The nurse started to help Jane into her bed and was chatting aimlessly throughout the whole process, not needing any stimulation from Jane or Maura. During the time she helped Jane to bed, Jane's eyes were trained upon Maura, as if willing for her to stay and not leave. Maura instantly felt guilty at the expression on Jane's face. She looked hurt, and also mad. Mad at Maura. Maura would be mad at Maura if she had made a promise to visit every day, then not show up for three days right after that promise was made. 'Well, Jane, I'll leave you here to talk with Maura for a little bit. Just buzz in when you want me to come and bring over your food alright? I'll give you two some privacy.' The nurse closed the door behind her as she left, then the only noise heard was from the television reporter talking softly in the background.

'So you're here.' Jane stated plainly. Maura winced a little at Jane's cold attitude, but had expected it. 'Got to admit I'm a little surprised. What brought the change of plans?'

'I…had a mind-clearing of sorts.' Maura began nervously, running her fingers over the ridges on the notebook in her bag. 'And it took me a few days to prepare to visit you after that. But I'm here now; as you just pointed out.' Maura's voice trailed off at the end and she averted her gaze from Jane's, instead looking out the window. 'It's a nice view.' She commented lightly. Jane nodded.

'Mm, they have some nice flowers in the garden.' She said softly. 'Maura, why are you here?' Maura shifted in her seat and clutched the notebook tightly. It was her move. She either shows it to Jane now, or waits for time to do its course. Maura shook her head. She went through all the effort, Jane was clearly interested, she has to follow through now. 'You're not going to tell me?' Jane took Maura's head-shake the wrong way. 'Am I going to have to guess, Maura?' There was a distinct playfulness in Jane's tone and Maura couldn't help but smile. It reminded her so much of her Jane.

'No, I was just clearing my thoughts.' Maura said softly, a smile still on her lips. She sighed after a moment and finally pulled the notebook out of the bag. Jane's eyes were on it instantly, and then flickered over to Maura's face, asking the silent question; _what is it?_ 'I made it.' Maura said softly, tapping her nails on the front cover. 'I thought it would help jog your memory a little. They are a bunch of photos that I've been collecting these past few days. It's why I haven't been around. I was afraid that if I came, then I would spill to you what I was planning on doing and the album would lose its effect.'

Maura handed over the notebook to Jane who took it and put it on her lap. She studied the front cover; it was a print of a tropical island backdrop, a standard, impersonal front cover. Jane ran her fingers over the palm trees and the water's edge, not actually opening the notebook yet. When Jane's fingers reached over to turn the front cover over, she hesitated, and Maura could see it. On the outside, she was waiting patiently for Jane to turn the page, but on the inside, her mind was buzzing.

'Do you think this will make me remember?' Jane asked, her brown eyes burning into Maura's. Maura was silent as she thought over Jane's answer.

'I hope so.' She whispered. Jane nodded and looked back down at the notebook and took in a deep breath. She held it for a few minutes, before letting it out in a big sigh.

It was time.


	7. It's Just A Little Book

**oh my gosh :D I am just so happy to finally be posting this chapter :D I absolutely LOVED writing this and I really hope you guys like it. It's a pretty long chapter for you guys (finally i know I'm sorry) its ****like over five and a half thousand, **but it IS NOT the end, not yet :P

**And thank you all so much for your lovely reviews for the last chapter. A lot of you were commenting on my pre-chapter notes and you were all saying just the nicest things and it was just the sweetest, and if I could thank you all individualy i would so thank you all so much xxx**

**please review this chapter! if not any other! I really want to know how you guys feel about this and how i went about it and if there was something you didn't like. Please, please review and tell me how you feel about it :)**

**thank you all again for the follows, favorites and reviews :) they make my day :) xx**

* * *

When Jane opened the first page of that notebook, she wasn't sure what she was expecting to see, but what she did see wasn't what she was expecting.

It was a photo – naturally – but it was the actual image that caught her off guard. It was her and Maura; they were sitting in a small café. The table wasn't small, but they were sitting awfully close together. Their bodies were turned to face whoever was taking she shot, and they were smiling full blown smiles, but their eyes were trained upon each other. The more Jane inspected the image, the more she suspected that they were also holding hands. In an elegant script under the image, were the words;

_Our first date – 21__st__ March 2007_

_Our first date_? Jane thought to herself. The more she looked at the photo, the quicker she was grasping what was happening. She was dating Maura…Maura…Maura was dating her. Maura liked her; more than a friend. Jane knew that she probably had a ridiculous smile on her face, and that Maura was also probably studying Jane's reactions to the photos. She looked over to Maura who had a smile on her face, obviously pleased with Jane's reaction to the image. But it didn't seem so enthusiastic, not like the smile in the picture. Jane looked back from the picture to Maura and slowly her spirits dampened. This was taken over six years ago. Who dates somebody for six years without getting married? Had Maura wanted something more and Jane refused? Have they broken up?

'Keep going.' Maura pressed. Jane looked over to Maura who was chewing her lip anxiously. She most likely saw Jane's mood change. 'There are more. Don't…don't make judgements or assumptions based on that image. Just keep looking through them.'

Jane did as she was told, and there were many other photos within that year, mainly focusing on Jane and Maura, but there were also images of functions and parties they went to together, each with their own title, their own significance.

_The day we came out – 4__th__ April 2007_

_First time we went out together with others – 12__th__ April 2007_

_The first formal celebration we went to together as a couple – 7__th__ May 2007_

Jane came across one image that really held her gaze. It was a photo of Maura and herself – of course – but…Jane really looked at the image to be sure, she didn't think they were wearing anything. They seemed to be in a hotel room, it looked like one typical of a tropical resort. The room's walls had a feature design to look like they'd been made my twigs, and there was an open French door which led to a beach with white sand and crystal blue waters. The image looked crooked, as it one of them had taken the photo and by the looks of things neither of them had been paying much attention to the photo. They were sitting up, but the photo was only from the collar-bone upwards. Jane's head was tiled back, and her eyes were closed, her expression a mix of pleasure and joy; and she could see why. Maura was kissing along the side of Jane's neck, her nose was buried under Jane's jaw and judging by Jane's own facial expression in the photo, she was quite skilled with her mouth.

_Our first weekend away – 27__th__ May 2007_

Jane closed her eyes, flashes of their little holiday getaway played in her head like a movie and she smiled. Definitely not doing much sleeping, Jane felt her face blush as she recalled just the type of activities they got up to those three days.

'_Maur…Maura c'mon. Don't take photos while we're like this…it's weird.' Jane moaned as she heard the flash go off. Maura smirked against Jane's neck._

'_There's nothing unethical about taking a couple of photo's Jane.' Maura purred in Jane's ear, nipping playfully. 'And besides; what if you're working a really tough case and don't come home for a few nights? I need some sort of stimulation.'_

'_Oh my god.' Jane groaned as she thought of Maura in her bed, all alone, helping herself to a few nude shots of Jane. It gave her the most satisfying chills and she couldn't help a smirk. 'Is this your way of dirty talking to me, Doc?' Jane asked in her raspy voice. She took a sharp inhale of breath as Maura's fingers ventured lower._

'_Is it working?' Maura asked with a little curiosity in her voice._

'_I'd say so.' Jane breathed as Maura's fingers ghosted over where Jane really wanted them._

'_Mmm.' Maura purred like a seductive cat. Jane moaned at the mental image of Maura in a tight, spandex cat suit, she certainly had the body for one, and she's definitely flexible enough to make it work. 'I think I have to see for myself.' Maura continued, breaking Jane from her mini fantasy. Jane gasped when she suddenly felt Maura's fingers slide easily in her, and she felt, rather than heard, Maura's chesty moan against her back. 'Oh goodness, Jane.' Maura breathed. 'I'm going to make you scream.'_

When Jane opened her eyes, Maura's gaze was firmly planted upon her. She wondered for a moment if she'd made any…verbal indicators that she was thinking (or remembering) something that wasn't strictly appropriate. Jane turned the notebook so Maura could see the image Jane was up to.

'I was just remembering.' She said shortly, feeling a light blush on her cheeks. Jane felt she should justify herself in some way. Maura smirked knowingly.

'Oh yes, those nights were one to remember.' Maura met Jane's eyes and there was this level of arousal in them and that's when Jane was painfully aware that she was also having some physical repercussions to her memory trip. Clearing her throat, Jane flipped the page of the notebook and returned to looking at the photos.

They were a nice collection of photos, and Jane smiled as fond memories arose from different images; sometimes actually laughing aloud at some of the mini-movies that played in her head. And with every page Jane turned she felt herself grow lighter as the pieces in her mind slowly started falling together again.

Jane froze when she turned the next page. She found feel Maura's nervous energy beside her and Jane knew Maura's heavy gaze was upon her, but she didn't look up. Maura was probably scrutinising every move Jane made, but she wouldn't be coming up with much as Jane's body and face had frozen.

Her eyes roamed the photo, absorbing every inch of it, searching her mind for the memory that goes with it…the memory to make sure it was real.

_Jane's stomach was churning. They'd just had the most wonderful dinner with Ma, Frankie, Tommy, Pa, Frost and Korsak. And Maura. God Maura. Jane was struggling to keep her eyes from the beautiful blonde. No, breathtaking. Goddess-like. She seemed like a distant dream that Jane would never quite be able to catch. But she has. Well, she's going to try anyway._

_Jane's eyes roamed Maura once again. She wore this dress that looked like it was made of molten gold. It fit her body deliciously, whilst still being modest. It was floor-length and strapless, and Maura wore a gold-plated necklace that sat on her chest, small dangly earrings that matched, and a single ring on her right index finger. Her hair was done up in an elegant, but loosely made hairstyle, leaving a few strands framing her face. She had smokey-eye makeup and a nude colour lipstick._

_She was the most utterly stunning thing Jane had ever laid eyes on in her life._

_And she was about to make Maura hers._

_Officially._

_Looking around the table, everybody was dressed elegantly – Just as Jane requested when she organised this dinner. The restaurant was extremely fancy (and over-priced) but she wanted this to be the most memorable night in Maura's life; and she didn't want it happening in her living-room._

_Their room was secluded, just like Jane asked when she made the booking – four weeks ago! Can you imagine how Jane has been feeling these past four weeks? She's been looking at Maura every day, restraining herself from just going ahead and asking her right there in autopsy._

_Jane sighed. She knew this had gone on long enough. She also knew that everybody was dying to know why Jane had brought them all to such a place that is out of her league. Well, she thought that perhaps everybody suspected what Jane was going to do._

_Maybe not everybody._

_Jane looked over to Maura and she met Jane's eyes and gave her a stunning smile which knocked the wind out of Jane's chest. She has no idea what Jane's about to do. Jane felt her heart-rate go up dramatically and she had to focus her thoughts on breathing so she didn't faint in the next five minutes of her life. Jane stood up from her seat._

'_Um.' Jane croaked out. The talking on the table ceased and all eyes turned to Jane. Suddenly shy, Jane looks to her mother with a pleading expression in her eyes. Jane received a warm, reassuring and comforting one back from her mother. Of course, Jane hadn't organised this all on her own. They'd probably be at a steak house right now if it wasn't for Ma. When Jane told her that she was thinking of proposing to Maura, Angela actually squealed, jumped up, squeezed Jane and began to cry._

'_Um…' Jane looked around the table again. She felt her palms get sweaty and she took a deep breath. Her legs were shaking underneath her and she wondered idly what would happen if she fainted right now._

_When Jane looked to Maura, she felt a boost of strength and confidence. Maura's expression was only one of love. Her eyes bore into Jane's and she felt a weight lift off her shoulders._

_She can do this._

'_Everyone, I'd really like to thank you all for coming.' Jane smiled to everybody. 'It really means a lot. I'm sure most of you know why we're here,' Jane snuck a glance at Maura's confused expression, 'but then some are not so sure.' Jane gave her girlfriend a cheeky smile._

_Jane took a deep breath in, and let it out. The box in the inside of her jacket pocked felt like it was made of lead, her heart was thudding against her chest, her ears were ringing._

_What if she says no?_

_Jane scoffed at the thought as soon as it came. Instead she walked over to the right side of Maura's chair so she had room to do what she waited to do. Maura looked at her with patient but expecting eyes. Love filled eyes. Honest eyes. Caring eyes._

_Maura's eyes._

_Jane suddenly felt a strange sense of clarity with her thoughts. Any bit of nervousness from before had vanished._

'_Maura,' Jane began in a strong voice, blocking everybody and everything else out around her. Maura was her universe, there could be a raging fire that breaks in the kitchen and Jane wouldn't notice. 'Maura…you…I can't even begin to describe you. You're amazing; more than amazing. You are my whole life. I can only think on how to make you happy, how to make you smile and laugh. You're laugh, God I love it.' Jane laughed softly to herself. 'It's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life. You're breathtaking, not just by your looks, although you are by far the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, but by what you do. By who you are. The fact that you think only with a kind heart and soul makes me feel like a better person just by being around you. If there were any regrets I have, it's not asking you out sooner, because that was by far the best decision of my life. Maura, I want to show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you. How much I will always love you. I want to make you happy every single day,' Maura's smile had slowly gotten bigger as she realised what Jane was doing, 'and see that smile every day.' Jane added. 'And I want to spend infinity doing it.'_

_Jane's voice had gone soft, loving. Maura eyes were only on Jane, and they were rimmed with tears that threatened to fall over her beautiful cheeks. Jane took a deep breath and knelt down. She slowly pulled out the little black box and opened it. Maura gasped; there was a collective round of gasps actually. Nobody knew what the ring looked like; Jane had kept that a firm secret. It was a silver band with a medium sized white diamond on it. Surrounding that diamond were smaller green and blue stones in a pattern, reflecting colours into the diamond, reminding Jane of what the ocean looks like. Inscribed around the band was; _I'll love you until infinity ends…

'_Infinity doesn't end.' Maura whispered softly, her eyes still on the ring._

'_I know.' Jane replied, equally as quiet. There was a silence for a few seconds before Jane cleared her throat again. 'Maura -'_

'_Yes.' Maura blurted out. Jane raised an amused eyebrow to Maura, a smirk that she couldn't hold back at her lips._

'_Can you at least wait for me to finish my question?' Jane teased. Maura laughed a breathy laugh and nodded her head, the tears already falling._

'_Maura Dorthea Isles, will you marry me?' Jane asked, moving the box closer to Maura. Maura looked from the ring to Jane and smirked._

'_Can I answer now?' She playfully asked. Jane rolled her eyes and laughed. 'Yes, Jane. Oh my God, I cannot say enough yeses.' Maura breathed out. Jane smiled and bit her lip, a blush forming on her cheeks._

'_Just one will do, Maur.' Jane whispered._

_The ring was a perfect fit._

_Maura knelt down so she sat in front of Jane and they shared a deep eye-contact for a long moment._

'_You're dress will get dirty.' Jane pointed out. Maura shook her head and smiled at Jane._

'_Honestly Jane, I really couldn't care less.'_

_The kiss they shared was one unlike anything Jane had previously experienced with Maura. It was every moment in their life together, every happy memory, all the laughter, all the hugging, and every passionate moment in-between all combined together to form one big emotion that Jane couldn't name. It felt like love, but like it had been blown up ten-fold. Maybe this was love. It took everything Jane thought she knew about the emotion, shattered it, and rebuilt it into the most beautiful thing in the world. Something that made Jane's heart swell so much it seemed to be stuck in her throat. Something that brought tears to her eyes just because she's had the absolute privilege of experiencing something this wonderful with somebody who she never knew she could love so much._

_Jane wanted to remember this moment for the rest of her life. The moment where she realised that she could never love anybody as much as she loves Maura right that very second. She wanted to keep in in her heart, lock it and never lose it or give it away. It was her memory to keep forever._

_Somewhere in a faraway place there was a flash of light behind Jane's closed eyelids but she didn't care for what it was. The only thing she cared about right now was the woman in her arms that she was kissing._

_Her woman._

_Her Maura._

Jane looked over to Maura who had a nervous expression, but upon seeing Jane's smile she relaxed and returned the smile. Jane looked back to the image, and read the date inscribed at the bottom;

_The night you proposed to me – 20__th__ January 2008_

'You said yes?' Jane asked it as a sort of confirmation, asking if her memory was accurate. Maura beamed at Jane and nodded. Jane's eyes fell to find a ring on Maura's finger that smiled a little as it shone a bit in the light; a beautiful, elegant, but modest little ring.

Their wedding ring.

Jane looked to her fingers in search of hers but found none.

'The doctors took off all your jewellery in the crash.' Maura send through her bag and pulled out a small plastic box. 'I brought it…just in case.' Maura added sheepishly. Take took the box and opened it. It was identical to Maura's; a band that wasn't too thin or thick, silver, with a small engraving around the outside;

_Infinity isn't long enough…_

Jane wiped a tear from her eyes.

'This is…I can't believe it.' She whispered, running her fingers over the ring which sat comfortably on her finger as if it had never left. 'We're married.' Jane breathed out.

'I hope this isn't too much to take?' Maura asked, suddenly concerned that she'd over-stepped some sort of emotional boundary. Jane simply shook her head, her soft smile still on her features.

'No…I'm so happy I know.' Jane said. She looked up and met Maura's eyes. 'It makes my life a lot easier.' Jane added with a light blush. Maura raised her eyebrows.

'Why?'

'Well…I sort of realised that I was in love with you.' Jane whispered looking back to her wedding ring. 'But I didn't want to say anything, I didn't want to confess something stupid and ruin whatever it was that we had. I didn't know if we had previously gone out, or if it was just something I had never discussed with you. I just kept it to myself.' To Jane's surprise, Maura laughed – a lot. 'What's so funny?' Jane asked with a hint of defensiveness in her tone.

'Oh, Jane, I'm not laughing at you darling.' Maura said with a smile, placing a comforting hand on Jane's. Jane squeezed Maura's fingers because Maura was her wife and she could do that. It gave Jane a sort of thrill in her heart. 'No, I'm laughing because it's just so amazing.' Maura continued with a smile.

'What's so amazing?' Jane asked sceptically.

'The fact that even in your memory-muddled mind, you still remained as stubborn to talk about your feelings with me as you do in a normal state of mind.' Maura shook her head and laughed softly again. 'I was honestly so surprised when you finally asked me out.' Maura met Jane's eye with a cheeky grin. 'You were stuttering like you were confessing to a triple homicide, not that you had feelings for me.' Jane and Maura both laughed. It was a peaceful moment.

'Yeah, I remember.' Jane nodded her head, and then tilted it in Maura's direction. Maura was positively beaming with happiness and Jane felt her heart engulf her because she was the reason for that smile. 'Maura…' Jane asked hesitantly. 'Can…will you kiss me?' Her voice was soft and cautious as she studied Maura's reaction. She seemed relieved.

'Oh Jane, I thought you'd never ask.' Maura' purred in a voice of velvet, before swiftly moving closer to Jane. The paused, just before their lips met. 'I love you, Jane.' Maura whispered. Jane sighed and rested her forehead upon Maura's; closing her eyes at the feeling it stirred within her to hear Maura say those words. She wanted to record in and play it over and over again, to never lose the memory of Maura telling her that again. She wanted to engrave it into her mind.

'I love you too, Maur.' Jane whispered back, before pressing her lips to Maura's.

It was mind-blowing; and yet it was just a kiss. It was the most fantastic thing Jane had ever tasted, multiplied by a number too bit for Jane to think about in that moment. Maura's lips were the softest things Jane had ever touched, that is until her hand reached up to cup Maura's cheek, which felt like pure silk running through her fingers. She pulled Maura in closer by the neck and moaned at the eager response she received. She wanted to keep going, to keep kissing and touching this wonderful being that she'd somehow got to marry her when a sharp pain on her left side make her break apart from Maura, clutching her side.

'Oh my God, Jane! Are you alright?' Maura asked in a panicked voice, hovering above Jane, trying to figure out what happened.

'Yeah,' Jane rasped out, 'just…ow…not breathing doesn't work well with me right now.' Jane gave Maura a cheeky smile and a wink and Maura rolled her eyes.

'I don't know what I'm going to do with you.' Maura scoffed as she sat back down in her seat, but not without taking Jane's hand in her own.

'Love me forever?' Jane asked innocently. Maura smiled to Jane and squeezed her fingers.

'How could I not?' Maura asked honestly. They sat in silence for a little while, just getting lost in each other. It was fabulous. Jane never wanted it to end. 'You should keep going.' Maura finally said softly. Jane nodded and returned back to Maura's crafty little book. Slowly turning the pages again, she smiled at each individual image. There were things like family dinners with Ma and her brothers, but also evenings were it was just Maura and her. Some images she paused at for a long time, recollecting her memory of wonderful moments she'd spend with Maura. Moments she never wanted to lose again.

When Jane turned the next page, she gasped in shock, dropping Maura's hand and bringing it up to pick up the book with both hands, as if to determine if this was real.

It seemed very real.

The photo seemed very real.

Jane's face beaming with joy seemed very real, as did Maura's.

_The day we were confirmed pregnant – 29__th__ December 2008_

Jane knew her mouth was probably wide open with shock, and her breathing had most definitely stopped again, but she couldn't gain any control over her body. Only her fingers, which ran over Jane's belly softly, as if willing to feel if there was a tiny bump under her flowing shirt.

'Is this…was I..?' Jane uttered quietly. Maura nodded.

'We both wanted to have children. The plan was that we'd both carry a child each, so both of our children would have a resemblance to one of us. We both got separate donors; picked somebody that we felt had the best characteristics for each other.' Maura sighed heavily and looked down, away from Jane.

'Wow.' Jane whispered softly. She didn't want to move from this page. She wanted to stay in this moment of time forever. 'What did we name them?' Jane asked, looking over to Maura with eager eyes. However when Jane met Maura's eyes they were clouded and harbouring a deep pain and hurt. 'Maura?' Jane whispered. Maura didn't speak, perhaps she was unable to. She had tears in her eyes that easily fell down her cheeks silently. She made a gesture for Jane to turn the page in the notebook. She did.

_The day I had the miscarriage – 13__th__ March 2009_

Jane looked at the ink which was smudged from what Jane suspected were Maura's tears. There was no image to go with the next. Jane didn't need one. She too quickly had tears in her eyes as the memories of the night washed upon her. Maura had been complaining to Jane that she was feeling ill most of the day, but Jane passed it off as just a sort of morning sickness. But when Maura woke Jane up in the middle of the night, her sweat-drenched hair clinging to her face and the tears running down her cheeks, Jane knew something had happened.

The doctors just confirmed it.

Maura had told Jane that she knew. She could feel that he wasn't with her anymore. It was a boy.

'Maura…' Jane whispered, her heart breaking at the sight of Maura crying at her bedside. 'Maura, please…come here.' Jane urged. If Jane could get up herself to comfort Maura, she would; however she couldn't, but thankfully Maura got up and lay down beside Jane and Jane held Maura for a long time as she cried softly into Jane's shoulder. The following minutes were painful and agonizing. Jane had never felt such pain before in her life. She felt the loss, the felt the emptiness of missing her son, her son she never got to know. She never found out what sort of sport he liked to play, what kind of friends he would make, if he would have been as smart and talented as Maura.

Of course he would have been as smart and talented as Maura.

But they'd never know.

'I'm so sorry, Jane.' Maura finally sniffed. 'This is meant to be about you, and here I am…crying.' Maura wiped her eyes with her fingertips, smudging her makeup. 'I'm so sorry.' There was a double meaning to her apology, and Jane didn't like it. It reminded her of all too many conversations she'd had with Maura in the past.

'_Maura! Don't say you're sorry over and over!' Jane begged. 'Please! What happened isn't your fault!'_

'_Isn't my fault? Jane; I was built to mother a child. Women are built to create, home, protect, and give birth to children. I couldn't do that. I couldn't protect our baby boy and now he's gone!' Maura's voice broke and for the first time since they found out about the…miscarriage, she sat on the floor in her knees and her forehead on the tiles and she let out deep chesty sob and she cried out long, painful screams. Jane knelt down beside Maura and pulled the blond into her arms and held her tightly. She wasn't letting go. She was going to let Maura cry, because that's what she needed to do. She would let Maura grieve, and then, she'd help put Maura back together again._

_Because she loved Maura and she'd never leave Maura hurting. _

'Maura, don't apologise.' Jane said softly and she held Maura even tighter, ignoring her own tears, trying to keep her voice strong. 'Never apologise for what happened.' Jane whispered into Maura's hair, placing a soft and delicate kiss there.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Maura nodded her head and sat up.

'I'm just going to fix myself up in your bathroom a little bit.' Maura said quietly, keeping her back to Jane. 'You keep going through the photos.' Jane watched Maura walk to the bathroom.

'Maura!' Jane called out. Maura turned around and looked to Jane. 'I love you.' She tried to put every ounce of love she felt for Maura into those three words, and she hoped Maura felt it. Maura smiled weakly, and then closed the door of the bathroom.

Jane was alone.

She looked back to the page with no photo and sighed as she crippling burden of losing a child manifested its weight onto her. Sighing, Jane closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. How did they get past something like that? How did they move on? It feels like life should have just stopped after that, but it hadn't. Life did go on, and they had moved on. Jane looked to her flat stomach and ran her fingers over it. She doesn't know how she'd cope with losing her child the way Maura did. Of course, Jane felt the loss of their son, but to feel him die inside of you…

That's something completely different.

Jane finally managed to turn the page, and a weak smile came to her lips. Maura had put in images of Jane as she went through the stages of the pregnancy. Judging by the dates, Maura had put in two for every month. Most of the photos were insignificant and didn't have a title, just a date, and Jane knows that under normal circumstances she wouldn't have allowed so many photos to be taken of her, but Jane knows that Maura was dealing with the loss of their son by putting all her energy into Jane's pregnancy. Jane knows that she would never have denied anything Maura asked her to do during those nine months.

Enjoying each of the individual flashbacks the images brought, Jane hadn't noticed Maura's return until they reached the day that Jane had given birth to their baby.

'She's so small…' Jane whispered, her fingers running over the tiny baby in the incubator. 'They aren't usually that small are they?' Jane asked with concern.

'No,' Maura replied as she scooted her chair so she was closer to Jane, 'Emma was premature by two and a half months.' Jane looked up in shock to see if Maura was telling the truth. She seemed to be, and as Jane looked at the date, then did a mental calculation of when she found out she was pregnant she realised indeed, Emma was premature buy two and a half months, give or take a few weeks.

_The day Emma was born – 29__th__ August 2009_

'Wow, that's pretty soon.' Jane commented. 'It's July now.'

'Yes, she's turning four this year.' Maura smiled proudly. 'Hopefully you'll be able to be there.' Maura added with a hopeful smile which Jane returned easily.

'I wouldn't miss it for the world, Maur.' Jane looked back to the image. 'Was she okay?' Jane asked again.

'Yes, she ended up being fine. They kept her in the hospital for a little while to make sure she was at a stable weight before they released her. You were in a worse shape actually. You were in a drug-induced coma for two days to recover.' Maura said, her voice faraway; reliving the memory.

'Wow, do I have a thing for being unconscious?' Jane muttered. Maura gave Jane a weak smile.

'Seeing you that first time was heartbreaking. I was so worried already about Emma when you went into the early labour, and then when you didn't wake up…I just…' Maura's voice trailed off. 'They did an emergency caesarean section to get Emma out alive. When the doctor told you this you screamed at him that if he didn't get Emma out of you and alive that you'd sue the whole hospital for everything they were worth.'

'_I swear to fucking god if you fuck this up Doc, you will hear from my lawyer and your ass will get sued so fucking hard that you won't even have a fucking chair to sit it on when it's over! What the hell are you still doing here! Drug me up and let's get this going my daughter is in danger!'_

Jane could hear her own voice ringing in her head. She looked down and lifted her shirt and trailed her fingers down until she felt the faint mark of a long scar. She gasped, running her fingers backwards and forwards over it, grasping what had happened.

'And she's okay?' Jane asked in confirmation.

'She is turning four in a few months, Jane.' Maura replied with a smile.

Jane looked over to Maura and smiled back at her. They stared at each other for a long time, neither caring about how they must look to others, Maura only thinking that she's finally got her Jane back, and Jane thinking she's finally got her life back.

When they kissed for the second time that day, Jane's heart began to race again at a rapid speed; jumping and skipping in an irregular fashion but she didn't even care.

She had Maura; a beautiful, talented, charming, fantastic, strong, amazing, resilient, and just all round perfect woman and completely out of Jane's league. But she had her. She had Maura, a home, and a family. She lived in a house, she woke up to Maura every morning, she has a beautiful, curly-headed brunette that she could see every day and was incredibly grateful for it, and she gets to kiss Maura any time she wanted to.

And that made her very happy.

Because so far, every time she kissed Maura, the feeling she gets just gets better.


	8. Don't Leave Me

**Sorry for the delay, I had somebody visiting for a few days and I didn't have the time to write another chapter, but I hope you're not too mad.**

**And oh my gosh guys I am so happy you all responded the way you did to the last chapter :) It made me so happy to see that you loved it and I'm so glad you liked the whole flashbacks/photo thing i did.**

**Now this chapter...well it didn't turn out how I expected it to. There isn't much progress apart from the beginning with Emma, but the second half of the chapter just...I don't know it's weird and it's not what I was expecting to write. At all.**

**I hope you guys like it anyway, and thank you all so much for the reviews/follows/favorites, like I said hey make me so happy to read :) xx**

* * *

For what seems like the fourth time that afternoon, Maura was trying to change Emma's clothes, and the almost four year old was getting increasingly frustrated with her mother for it.

'But I don't want to wear a dress!' Emma whined, stamping her feet, on the verge of a tantrum. Maura bit her lip and looked down at the violet dress she had in her hands and frowned. It would look so lovely on Emma, with her skin-tone and hair. Maura mentally cursed whoever thought it was a good idea to give their daughter Jane's stubbornness. Sensing a victory, Emma smiled and ran out of her room, still in her worn out jeans and blue t-shirt. Maura groaned and slumped against the wall in Emma's bedroom, running fingers through her hair. She wanted it to be perfect for the first time Jane saw Emma. She didn't really want Emma showing up in old jeans and shirt, but every time she changed her daughter into something nice, the second Maura turned her back, Emma seemed to 'accidently' spill her chocolate milk, or she'd just get changed on her own.

'Emma, come back!' Maura shouted again. She got no response from her daughter. Maura groaned and looked at the clock on Emma's wall. It was past three, Maura had told Jane she'd be at the hospital half an hour ago. Maura sighed and closed her eyes, momentarily giving up on chasing her daughter around the house.

She didn't know what had happened, or how, but Maura must have fallen asleep because when she opened her eyes, Emma was cuddled into Maura's side, eyes closed and breathing deeply.

Looking at the clock again, Maura swore to herself. She was over an hour late. Scooping up Emma in her arms, Maura ultimately decided to not change Emma again and half jogged to her car where she buckled Emma in, got into the driver's seat and drove to the clinic.

* * *

When Maura arrived, she didn't even bother checking with the front desk if Jane was free, she just ran down the hallways until a voice from behind her called her name out.

'Mrs Rizzoli! Where are you going?' Maura froze in her tracks and clutched Emma as she turned around slowly and met the stern stare of the doctor in charge of Jane's case.

'I…'

'I hope you weren't thinking of bringing you're daughter into Jane's room.' He continued in a voice that told Maura that he knew that was exactly what she was doing. Already frustrated with her daughter's lack of cooperation, Maura turned to face the doctor full on. Maura put Emma down so her daughter stood somewhat behind Maura's legs.

Let this doctor feel her wrath.

'I do not see why I cannot bring Emma into Jane's room.' Maura began in a strong voice. 'She seems to be working fine with my current methods, and bringing Emma into the room is just the next step.'

'You're current…Mrs Rizzoli, Do you not understand that if you overwhelm Jane with her past all in one go-'

'I don't have time for this.' Maura interrupted. She grabbed Emma's hand and turned around and made her way to Jane's room. She knocked on the door, and barely a second had passed before Maura opened the door anyway. She could hear the doctor still shouting behind her somewhere, but her focus was primarily on Jane; Jane's expression. That little smile that tugged the corners of her lips, which soon became a full-blown smile, then laugh.

'Emma!' Jane laughed. 'How did you get your mother to let you out looking like that?' Jane smiled. Maura exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding in.

'I just did what you told me to do Ma.' Emma flashed a cheeky grin. 'I kept changing back to what I wanted to wear.'

'That was _you_?' Maura half exploded. Jane's eyes flickered to Maura's face and she began laughing again. 'Do you have any idea how difficult she's been?' Maura asked. She couldn't, however, keep such a serious expression on her face. The pure joy that was etched within Jane's features simply wiped out any frustration she was feeling.

'Of course I do, Maur.' Jane replied with a smile. 'She's my daughter.'

Jane's expression relaxed somewhat at her own words. She looked back to Emma who was standing beside Jane's bed. Jane's hand hovered over Emma's head for a moment, before her fingers ran through Emma's soft, dark curls. Jane sighed; she still had a small smile on her face and Maura's heart swelled at Jane's expression of pure love for her daughter.

'My daughter.' Jane whispered again.

'Mrs Rizzoli!' Jane jumped, and then winced. Her eyes snapped to the doctor who had barged into the room, but he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at Maura, and boy did he look pissed.

But it was nothing compared to Maura's fury.

'Mrs Rizzoli, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

'Oh really.' Maura asked sarcastically. Jane's eyes flickered to Maura's face in surprise at her tone. She'd never seen Maura like this before. She had bits of loose hair framing her face and she was glaring at the doctor who intruded on their first family moment in a long time. She looked so angry…so passionate… 'Well you're going to have to make me.' So _sexy_.

The doctor sighed, trying to calm his obvious temper.

'You've broken protocol Mrs Rizzoli. I'm afraid that you will have to leave, and if you don't, I will call somebody to escort you and your daughter out.' Maura's face was a picture of shock. Her hands grabbed blindly behind her until she found Emma's body and she held her daughter.

'You can't make me leave.' Maura said in a soft, dangerous voice.

'Mrs Rizzoli, you're leaving me with little choice.' He ran a hand through his thick brown hair.

'No!'

Two pairs of eyes turned to look at Jane in surprise. Emma had escaped Maura's grasp, and was now lying by Jane's side, Jane protectively holding her daughter. 'No,' she repeated. 'She isn't going anywhere. Neither is Maura.' There was a pain in Jane's eyes. She looked over to Maura desperately. 'Please.' She whispered. 'Not just after I've gotten you two back.' Jane continued whilst looking down to Emma, interlocking her fingers with Emma's, and then kissing the back of her daughter's hand softly. Maura looked back to the doctor with an expecting expression.

'You're just going to cause her more stress by keeping us away.' Maura concluded.

The doctor looked from Maura, to Jane holding her daughter. He sighed and nodded slowly.

'It seems as if everything is okay here.' He finished. Looking over to Jane, he made a point in saying his following words. 'If anything goes wrong; if you start feeling _any_ emotional distress, you must let one of us know.'

'It's okay, she'll be alright.' Maura said, looking over to Jane with a smile. 'She's coping just fine.'

'Fine for now, Mrs Rizzoli.' The doctor said slowly as he exited. 'But the human mind is a complex thing. The psychology of one person differs completely to another. One way of regaining memory loss that may work well for some people, could be catastrophic for others. Jane may seem alright now,' the doctor looked over to Jane and paused, contemplating his next words. 'But we have no idea what tomorrow brings for her.'

The door closed softly, and a small silence fell in the room.

'Well, that was cheery.' Jane finally said. Maura looked over to Jane and they made eye contact for a few seconds, before Jane began to smile, and then laugh softly. Maura started laughing too, just from seeing Jane laughing. And Emma began to laugh because she was happy to be in her mother's arms again.

'When can we see ma again?' A sleepy Emma asked Maura as she tucked her daughter into bed. Emma let out a big yawn and snuggled into her blankets.

'Soon, darling.' Maura replied, placing a kiss on Emma's forehead. Emma closed her eyes, but a few moments later they opened again.

'Mummy?' Maura brushed a strand of hair out of Emma's face.

'Yes?'

'Can you sing for me?' Maura was slightly taken aback by her daughter's request. Maura never sung to Emma, it was something that Jane did.

'You sure, sweetie? Mummy can just tell you a story if you want.' Maura offered, but Emma shook her head.

'I was you to sing the song Ma sings to me. I miss Ma singing.' Emma sighed. Maura hesitated but upon the sad expression on Emma's face, she relented.

'Golden slumbers kiss your eyes,  
Smiles await you when you rise.  
Sleep,  
pretty baby,  
Do not cry,  
And I will sing a lullaby.

Cares you know not,  
Therefore sleep,  
While over you a watch I'll keep.  
Sleep,  
pretty darling,  
Do not cry,  
And I will sing a lullaby.'

By the time Maura finished, Emma was asleep, curled up in a tight ball, clutching the small, worn out stuffed rabbit that Jane had given her for her first birthday.

Maura closed Emma's door and made her way to her own bedroom, however sleep didn't come to her as easily. She lay awake long after she'd turned off the light, thinking about Jane, and thinking about today with her.

The doctor's words of warning kept ringing through her ears, and every time she re-listened to his words, she felt the anxiety grow within her. Surely Jane will be fine, right? She didn't show any negative reactions to finding out the truth.

Maura bit her lip and turned over so she was facing Jane's side of the bed. She ran a hand over the cool bed sheets with a frown.

'_But we have no idea what tomorrow brings for her.'_

Sighing, Maura closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, but her mind continued to race. She tossed and turned; she chucked the covers off her because she got too hot, and then wrapped herself in them again when she started to shiver. Finally, at long last, Maura fell into an uneasy sleep.

Her dreams were filled with distorted shapes, colours and voices. She tried to get to where Jane's voice was coming from, but every time she thought she was there, Jane would call her name out again and she'd sound even further away.

Then Emma started screaming. A horrible, bloodcurdling scream that had the hairs on Maura's arms stand up on end, and her heart faltering in its beats. She could see in the distance Emma being pulled into darkness, but when Maura tried to run, her legs wouldn't move.

'Emma!' Maura tried to scream out but her voice had stopped working.

'This is your fault.' A low hiss sounded in her ear.

'Jane?' Maura turned around to find the body that went with the voice but found none.

'She's getting away!' Jane continued to hiss.

'Emma!' Maura turned around back to watch Emma struggling with something unknown. Maura tried to run towards her daughter but she just fell to the ground. 'Emma, come back!' Maura's throat felt like it was being ripped to shreds with her silent screams.

Everything went black.

Maura struggled against her invisible binds that held her to the ground. She couldn't move her fingers or toes; her chest felt like it was being squashed and she could hear a faint sound of sirens in her ears.

She was in pain.

'Ma'am? Can you hear me?' The voice unfamiliar to her and it sounded so close, but so far away. 'We're going to have to pull the car apart by force! She's too wedged in here!' Maura tried to open her eyes to see what was happening but her body refused to do anything she wanted it to do. 'Ma'am, open your eyes if you can hear me.'

There was a silence and Maura could hear shouting in the distance and the sound of metal being forcefully ripped apart. Maura felt somebody rummage around her, looking for something but she had no idea what.

'We have an identity!' The voice shouted again. 'Everything is going to be alright.' The voice started talking to her again. 'You're going to be just fine. We're going to get you outta here, Jane.'

The pressure around Maura was immediately released at the voice's words, and all the shouting and sounds of metal being pulled apart was ceased as if somebody flipped a switch. Maura didn't know if she was opening or closing her eyes, because all she saw was black. Something in the blankness caught Maura's eye; a light, a soft glowing in the distance. It grew and from the light a figure began to walk towards her – a silhouette that Maura could recognise anywhere because she'd seen that exact body and touched every inch of it too many times to count.

'Jane.' Maura tried to call out, but her voice caught in her throat. She tried to move, tried to get up to run to Jane and feel her protective warmth around her but she couldn't move. 'Jane!' Maura called out again; panic quickly causing her heart to thump wildly in her chest. 'Help me!'

There was somebody else with Jane, somebody considerable smaller, a child. A child with Jane's same curly hair, walking alongside the older woman, holding her hand.

'Emma?' Maura tried to focus her sight to confirm, but when she tried, things just blurred up even more. 'Emma! Emma, come back!'

'You've ruined this family!' Jane was suddenly beside Maura, shouting in her ear. 'Why couldn't you just wait until I regained my memory back the normal way? Why did you have to interfere?' Jane continued viciously. Maura could feel the tears running down her face.

'I was just trying to help…' Maura tried to say, but no noise came out.

'You're a terrible mother!' A younger voice spat. Maura felt her heart rip into two when she heard Emma's angelic voice spouting words of venom. 'No wonder your baby died.'

'You're a terrible mother and wife.' Jane continued. 'You've ruined my life.'

Maura could feel her chest tightening, and she couldn't seem to get any oxygen into her lungs. She tried to call out, tried to cry out to them to stop but she couldn't.

'You're the reason all this happened to me. If you weren't pestering me about being late for dinner, the accident would never have happened.' Maura continued to cry as the truth of Jane's words sunk in. 'This is all your fault.' Jane spat. 'I wish I never met you.'

Gasping, Maura shot out of bed, her ears ringing with the sound of her blaring alarm. Her forehead and chest was drenched in sweat, and Maura's whole body ached. Maura lifted her hands to push the sweat-drenched hair out of her face when she realised how much her hands were shaking. Turning off the alarm, Maura slowly made her way to her bathroom to wash up. Looking at her face, Maura struggled to tell the difference between the sweat and tears. Her cheeks were red and her chest was heaving as if she'd just run a marathon.

Turning on the water for the shower, Maura tried to recall her dream, but nothing solid came to her. Fragmented images of Jane and Maura, shot, clipped phrases, and the feeling of being paralysed.

And the fear.

Maura felt a shiver go through her spine as she stepped into the hot shower. Adjusting the temperature, Maura began to resume her morning ritual, but the nightmare was always on the back of her mind.

* * *

**Okay, so if you were wondering why I brought Emma into Jane's life so 'casually', it's because I think that's just how Jane would remember you know? I mean, their life at hope would have been a little bit crazy, so I thought that if that the first time Jane saw Emma was when she was all dressed up, it wouldn't be 'seeing Emma' in the sense that it wouldn't be Emma how Jane remembers her. If that makes sense? It made sense in my mind.**

**And also, the whole dream thing in the end is mostly just a reflection of Maura's fears for the future. It's not going to spiral out into this catastrophic thing were Maura will get depressed etc, etc. It's just Maura worrying about the future.**

**I feel this fic coming to a close soon, but fear not, I still have a few chapters that I will be posting that I'm really excited for. hehe. Anyway, after that little typing spree, I'll let you be. Review with thoughts? If you're bothered? haha :) xx**


	9. I'm Coming Home

**I'm soo sorry about the wait! I had that inevitable moment where I just thought 'shit...what am I even writing?' So I wrote a random one shot and published it (I'd hardly call it a story seeing as it's just smut hahaha) which motivated me to pull though my writers block with this and I hope it's not terrible :S **

**I'm getting all excited for the next chapter/maybe one after, depends on how I plan things through :)**

**I love the reviews guys, keep them up! xx**

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'And how does that make you feel, Jane?' The female psychologist asked kindly, her chocolate brown eyes making steady contact with Jane's. Jane sighed internally. _I'll tell you now I feel, _Jane muttered in her head, _I feel like if you ask me that question one more time I'm gonna-_ 'Jane?' The doctor gave Jane a questioning look.

'Oh, sorry. Um…' Jane thought for a moment. 'Happy I guess.' She finally said. 'I mean, I'm ecstatic, I have been waiting for this day for months…'

'But?' She prompted, scribbling notes down. Jane hated when she did that.

'_But_,' Jane emphasised, 'I'm scared.' The woman in front of her nodded in understanding.

'That's to be expected, Jane.' She gave her a warm smile. 'You're going back to a world that you haven't been a part of in six months. It's natural to feel anxious about the move. You've been disconnected from your life for a long time, and finally you're going back home. You're going back to your world, your life.' Dr Sarah Belain put down her pen and notebook on the small table that separated Jane from the doctor. 'You've changed Jane.'

'I know I've changed.' Jane groaned, putting her head in her hands. 'That's the worst part of it all. What if I can't do my job anymore like I used to?'

'The doctors all said that you will be able to perform your duties as a detective just fine; but you must ease into it, let your body adjust to it again.'

'It's not just that.' Jane added, biting her lip. Finally, she straightened up and looked Sarah in the eyes, her worry clear in her features. 'What if I can't be a mother anymore? What If I can't be a wife anymore?' Jane questioned quietly. Sarah sighed, not an annoyed sigh, but an understanding one. She gave Jane this soft smile that showed that she was empathetic to Jane's situation.

'You apply the same strategies you are using to move back into the workforce.' Sarah told her, pushing a strand of her red hair behind her ear. 'You take things slow. Don't put yourself in a position that will cause you too much stress, and don't allow people to pressure into situations you don't want to confront as of yet. You've done so well Jane, psychologically, with your accident and the recovery. It would be a shame for you to overwhelm yourself once we start to reach the end of the road.' Sarah smiled sweetly and Jane nodded. What Dr Belain was saying made sense; and there was no reason why returning to work and returning home would be different for her.

Except that it was.

'You're right.' Jane accepted. 'But I still feel that way. I feel like I'm gonna screw this up, and that Maura will hate me for not remembering something and she'll take Emma away and I'll never get to see her again.' Despite most of Jane's memories being recollected, there were still a few things from her past that she'd only be able to recall in her sleep or during a particular conversation.

'Do you really thing Maura would do something like that?' Sarah asked quietly, her eyes showed no judgement for Jane's feelings, only questioning her worries.

'No.' Jane finally admitted after a long silence. 'But I'm still scared.' She continued in a small voice.

'Like I said before, Jane, this is natural. In fact, if you weren't at least a bit concerned about your future and coming home, I'd be more worried than with the feelings you have now.' Jane pressed her lips together. 'You will be fine; you'll get back into the rhythm of things. It may take some time and getting used to, but you can do it. You're a strong-wiled person, Jane. You've faced adversity and come out of it stronger than you were before. You can do this Jane. You just have to believe you can.'

Jane frowned slightly and looked over the psychologist's shoulder in a deep train of thought. She's been waiting for this day for a long, long time. There were days where she never thought she could be able to walk or run like she used to. There were nights were she'd lay awake, crying, thinking about the future and what it held for her. But she always pulled through. Every day the distance Jane had to walk without aid got a little longer, and every day she didn't think she'd make it that far; but she did. She always pulled through, and Maura always seemed to be here, waiting to congratulate Jane.

Would she still be there for Jane now?

A few weeks ago, when they first discussed Jane's release date, Maura stayed at the rehab facility longer than usual.

'Emma is staying with Angela tonight.' Maura assured her when Jane asked. They had sat in silence for a while, neither saying their thoughts, but both knowing what the other was thinking. The night seemed to go on forever, but Jane never grew tired. She enjoyed the quiet company; there was no bursting need to fill every moment with chatter because they were both quite comfortable in the quietness that enveloped them.

'So what do you think?' Jane had finally asked the question on her mind. Maura pursed her lips together and her eyes glazed over in thought.

'I think it's wonderful you're finally coming home.' Maura whispered. 'It seems a little surreal, I will admit, but I am…words can't describe. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.'

'What sort of weight?' Jane asked, admittedly a little nervously, but she tried to not let it show in her words. Was she a burden to Maura? She knew the rehab facility was quite out of the way for Maura to travel to every other day…

'An emotional weight,' Maura cut of Jane's trail of thought and she turned to look Jane directly in the eyes, 'you'll finally be coming home.' She finished in a whisper. Jane stared into Maura's eyes which were shining. This woman was so beautiful, it was still shocking to Jane when she woke up sometimes and saw the ring o her finger. She'd just sit there sometimes when she was alone, staring at it. She'd run her fingers across the smooth surface, smiling at the memory of Maura putting it on her finger, sealing the deal.

Jane leaning in slowly with very minimal pain and pressed her lips softly onto Maura's lips. She'd cup her wife's cheek, bringing her as close as possible and they kissed until Maura pulled apart, a little out of breath, with a smirk and told Jane she'd get to have the rest when she finally came home.

'I know she isn't upset about me coming back though.' Jane smiled to the psychologist when her thoughts returned to the present. 'But I know she is anxious too, even if it's just a little bit.'

'You two will work it out.' Sarah said, going back to her notebook, writing something down quickly before looking back at Jane. 'That's why you're a couple. _For better or for worse_? It's crucial, however, that you two discuss your lives together now. It would be folly to assume things will click back to normal, because they won't. You need to work hard, develop plans, ways to cope – Maura too. I've always offered to you during our sessions for Maura to come in too one time, just so you two can talk more openly about how you're feeling. Maybe Maura's worried that she'd going to put pressure on you? Or maybe she won't even realise that she is. This is why communication is one of the fundamentals in any relationship.'

Jane thought over the proposition. She'd always rejected the doctor's offers to bring Maura into the sessions (these were private to Jane, she felt like she needed to sort out her own thoughts before she shared them with Maura) but now perhaps it would be a good idea to bring Maura in for the appointment next week, even if it's to just clear the air a little.

'Okay.' Jane nodded. If Dr Belain was surprised by Jane's change of heart on the subject, she hid it well.

'Excellent. So tell her to come in next Wednesday at 3:15 then…' Sarah trailed off as she looked at her calendar. 'For your last appointment with me.' Sarah looked up to Jane and smiled whilst Jane's eyes widened.

'Already?' Sarah nodded. 'Wow.' Jane breathed out. 'That was…quick.' _Actually_, a little voice in Jane's head commented, _it wasn't quick at all. In fact, those six months were the longest you've ever had the pleasure to endure._

_But when they told me I'd be going home three weeks ago…it seems like only yesterday._ Another voice contradicted.

'I know; time flies when you're having fun.' Sarah teased and Jane let out a weak smile. 'Speaking of time, ours is up for today. I'll trust that you'll tell Maura about the appointment?' Sarah checked. Jane rolled her eyes, but then nodded her head. 'You're not going to forget?' Sarah eyed her in a friendly manner. Jane scoffed.

'I'm happy to see you have faith in me.'

'Even so, it's protocol for me to ring her anyway. I just thought she'd rather have you ask her before me.' Jane nodded and walked to the door.

'Thanks, Doc!' She called out. Sarah laughed.

'See you on Wednesday, Jane! Don't forget!'

* * *

_Well_, Jane thought to herself as she looked between the doctor and Maura. _This is a lot quieter than I was expecting this to be_. Not that Jane was nervous about what they were talking about, after thinking it over that night, Jane decided it was actually a good idea, but Jane could feel the nerves coming off Maura in waves, and they were beginning to have their effect on Jane.

'So, Maura,' Dr Belain finally started the conversation when she realised neither Jane or Maura were going to. 'I'm so glad you were able to come. Last time I saw you was almost two months ago, wasn't it? How are you feeling?'

'A little anxious.' Maura admitted. The blonde had begun fiddling with her fingers. Upon noticing this, Jane reached her hand over and held Maura's, giving them an affectionate squeeze. Maura looked over to Jane and smile gratefully. 'More about Jane's transition to the work force.' Maura sighed. 'I don't want her straining herself too much so soon, or getting upset with herself if she can't do the things she used to be able to do just yet.'

'Really?' Jane asked Maura in a puzzled tone. 'Why would you worry about that?'

'Because, Jane, I know you. I know you're going to want to push yourself to get better faster than your body can manage, effectively undoing months and months of hard work. I know how you want to be the best you can, but right now you aren't at your physical best, and I'm afraid you don't understand that.'

'I understand that just _fine_, Maura.' Jane half snapped, but regretted her tone when she saw the hurt expression on Maura's face. 'I mean…I get it. I know what I can and can't do. I know it will take time.' Jane sighed. 'I'm just not very patient.' This time it was Maura who squeezed Jane's hand.

'I know this is hard for you, Jane- I really do. I am here for you, I always have been and I always will be. Whether you just want to yell about how annoyed you are with your limitations, or if you want a comforting shoulder to lean against. I will be there for you.' Jane looked at Maura, her heart swelling with emotions. Even though she already knew all of this, it somehow made her feel so much better by having Maura tell them to her again.

'I know, Maur.' Jane smiled.

'That was really good, ladies.' Sarah praised softly after a short silence. 'You identified a worry one of you had, and you talked about a way to help make it better for both of you. This sort of communication is going to be vital for the upcoming weeks, especially with the stress of work and home-life.' The redhead smiled at the two women.

'I'm worried about coming home.' Jane admitted to Maura. 'I'm terrified.' Jane averted her eyes from Maura's strong gaze, looking out a window instead.

'Why..?' Maura asked, turning her body to face Jane on the cream couch they were sharing. Maura's tone was so gentle and careful; she spoke in a way that she usually reserved for private conversations. Jane forgot that Sarah was there, making notes on their interaction.

'Because, what if I stuff this up for us, Maur?' Jane whispered, still looking out the window, but keeping her grasp on Maura's hand. 'What if I say or do something stupid, or what if I can't do stuff with you like I used to? What if you realise that this is too much for you and you leave?'

'Jane…'

'No, Maura I'm serious.' Jane said, finally turning and looking into Maura's eyes. The further Maura's looked into Jane's eyes, the more she saw how genuinely scared Jane was about this.

'Jane, I know you're serious.' Maura said softly. 'And I need to you remember that I would never leave you. You are the best thing to ever happen to my life and because of you, I have the second best thing to ever happen to me; Emma. Jane the amount of laughter and happy memories we share far, far outweigh the stressful times we have ahead.' Maura said softly, stroking Jane's hand. 'I will never leave you, Jane. Look at me,' Maura commanded when Jane's eyes flickered away from Maura face. Maura needed to show Jane just how committed she was to this. 'I will never, ever, leave you. I want to stay, and the only way you can make me leave is by telling me outright to never see you again. I don't want to leave. I want to help you. A few years ago, Jane, I made vows that swore that I'd always stand by you. And that doesn't change, not today, not tomorrow, and not a year from now.' Maura leaned forwards and pressed a soft kiss on Jane's lips. 'Never.' She added in a desperate whisper. Maura softly wiping away a stray tear on Jane's cheek, placing a kiss on it instead.

'Thank you.' Jane whispered.

'There is no need to thank me Jane. I want to do this. I want to help you. I love you.'

'I love you too.' Jane whispered. A beeping sound reminded the two women that they were not alone. Jane looked over to Sarah who was reading her pager with a frown.

'I'm so sorry.' She said with a frown. 'But there's an emergency with one of the patients.' Sarah put her pager down on the table and looked at Maura and Jane. 'I think you two are going to be just fine, I honestly do. You have a strong bond, and you are clearly able to talk things through with each other. Before Jane leaves on Friday, I'll make sure she receives a few pamphlets on helping deal with stress and recovery, along with my number. If there are any concerns the two of you have, feel free to call me, or one of the helplines on the brochures. I don't really think there is much else for me to advise to you, but if you feel like you need to, would you two like to reschedule this appointment for tomorrow?' Sarah looked between Maura and Jane, waiting for an answer. Jane and Maura shared eye contact, silently discussing the offer.

'I think we'll be just fine.' Jane replied with a smile. Sarah beamed at the two women.

'Fabulous! Now Jane, I'll try and see you before you leave, but if I don't, it has been marvellous meeting you and watching you become the person you are today. I wish you, the both of you, the best of luck for the future, and that everything goes well for you.' Sarah walked over to Maura and shook her hand, and gave Jane a hug. 'Be good Jane, do your exercises, listen to Maura, and don't push yourself too hard, okay?' Sarah smiled.

'Yeah, yeah.' Jane responded with a smile of her own. 'Thank you.' She added, 'for everything. You've been amazing.' Sarah waved her hand dismissively.

'Jane this was all you. All I did was help you see things a litter clearer when you needed it. You've got a very strong mind; it takes a lot to shake you mentally.' Jane smiled in thanks. Exchanging goodbyes, Maura and Jane left the room, Sarah following quickly after and dashing down the hallway.

'Would you like me to stay a little longer? Angela will be with Emma till five.' Maura offered. Jane smiled and took Maura's hand and they walked to Jane's room slowly.

'I'd like that.'

* * *

Before Jane even had time to blink, it was Friday, and she looked around the bare room for one of the last times. A nurse had come in earlier to help her pack, and now her possessions were in two small boxes which were stacked neatly against the open door, along with her walking stick. As much as Jane had protested to being given the walking stick for the first time all those months ago, she couldn't deny the pain in her leg when she walked for too long without the extra support. Sighing, Jane sat on the bed in the room which she had made her own for half a year. She ran her fingertips over the rough bed sheets, very eager to go home and finally sleep in a bed with a soft mattress and smooth bed sheets.

And Maura.

Jane was very excited for that.

A soft knock sounded from behind Jane. She turned her head and broke out into a smile when she saw Maura standing in the doorway in jeans and a shirt, her hair in a ponytail. _Casual Maura_, Jane though to herself, _I like that_.

'Are you ready?' Maura asked, picking up the two boxes with ease before Jane could even protest. The blonde raised an eyebrow when Jane didn't respond. Jane looked around the room, and surprising she actually found herself feeling a little sentimental about leaving. She looked back to Maura and gave her a smile.

'Yeah.' Jane said softly, picking up her walking stick and walking towards Maura, giving her a kiss. 'Let's go home.'


	10. Violae Albae (White Violet)

**Hey I'm so sorry about how long it's taken me to update I hope you guys don't hate me :/ but I was trying to figure out how I'm going to wrap this sotry up. So this chapter and most/if not all of the next chapter will just be Jane and Maura, but after that I'll be bringing in Emma and I think that's where this will be ending. So two more chapters? Maybe three?**

**Again, massive thank you to everybody who took the time to review, I just love reading them! I have to give a shout out to 'nirricles-happen' because your review was actually the highlight of my day :) And when I read how your internet cut out on the train I laughed (sorry haha). But yay for Aussies and rabbits! And of course Rizzles :P And I loved your suggestions so I've taken them into consideration too :)**

**Anyway, I'm sure you've all had enough of my blab, and you just wanna read the chapter already, so go ahead, read :) please review guys, it makes me so happy so see how you respond to my chapters. xx**

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When Jane heard the soft _click_ of the door being unlocked, her vision went blurry and her heart began to race. Maura stepped in before Jane, taking her boxes and putting them inside, while Jane stood at the threshold, unsure of what to do with herself so she admired the house from the outside. Maura turned around, expecting to see Jane behind her, only to find the brunette standing at the door, clutching her walking stick, her eyes flickering to every object in the house until they finally rested on Maura.

Maura slowly made her way towards Jane, her hand covering Jane's which was gripping on the cane and slowly loosening her grasp on it. Jane relaxed visibly at Maura's touch and she took in a deep breath. Why was she suddenly so anxious? This was her home, she'd lived here for years, yet suddenly she felt a stranger to it. She wanted nothing more than anything to enter and re-explore everything, bathing in the memories which had been stolen from her yet her legs refused to move, wrought like lead, heavy and unmoving. Maura's soft caresses to Jane's arms, cheek and shoulders calmed her racing heart, and as she inhaled that familiar scent her thoughts cleared enough for her to remember to breathe deeply and slowly. Handing Maura her walking stick, she walked inside.

It was just how she remembered it. The walls were a soft cream colour, so pale that they were almost white. The contemporary furniture had Maura's flare of style, but hidden within the décor were hints of Jane's inhabitation. Jane's eyes drifted over the big things, the obvious things. She skipped over the grandiose mahogany bookcase, to the children books which were stacked neatly on the lowest shelves, and across the coffee table, to the coasters in a neat pile, each containing a picture of their first family trip with Emma. Her eyes drifted to Maura who studied Jane carefully, analysing even the slightest of reactions.

'How do you feel?' Maura asked. Jane looked around her surroundings again with a slightly furrowed brow.

'Strange.' She finally murmured back in response. 'I feel like I've been here, I could tell you where everything is…it's just…I don't know.' Jane shrugged.

'Yes you do.' Maura prodded carefully. 'You should tell me how you're feeling Jane, that way we can help each other adjust.' There was a minute of silence as Jane looked around the room again.

'It feels like I don't live here.' Jane continued sadly. 'I don't have that rush of memories looking around. It just feels…empty.' Jane looked over to Maura, desperation in her eyes. 'Please don't be mad.'

'Why would I be mad Jane?' Maura asked, honestly confused. 'This was only to be expected.' Maura shrugged as if it didn't bother her nearly as much as she let on. 'Come on, let's put your things in the bedroom and I'll make you some coffee.' Maura picked up Jane's belongings again and made her way to the bedroom, but paused when Jane didn't follow. 'Jane?' Maura called softly. Jane's eyes flickered to Maura and for half a second the brunette's eyes were clouded, like a fog had settled over them, but it vanished as soon as Maura noticed it.

'Right here, Maur.' Jane replied with a soft smile, and she began to lead the way to their bedroom. As Jane disappeared down the hallway, Maura couldn't help but wonder if Jane was really there with her, or if there were parts still missing.

* * *

Maura had expected, of course, that Jane's transition would be anything except easy, but she couldn't deny that having Angela take Emma for a few days while Jane adjusted was making the load a lot lighter.

She tended to give Jane alone time – space for her to re-collect herself without the pressure of Maura over her shoulder, expecting results. So Maura had gone back to work for half days, making sure that Jane would call her if there were any problems, and also calling Jane every hour in case she didn't deem an issue worthy of Maura's attention. Maura had adjusted her schedule so she worked in the afternoon, allowing her to spend the morning with Jane, relaxing and eating a slow breakfast, perhaps going out for an early lunch.

'Jane! I'm going!' Maura called out. Jane's face appeared around the corner and she looked at the clock which hung on the kitchen wall.

'It's two already?' She frowned. 'That went fast.' Maura chuckled.

'Well, hopefully I'll be home before you know it.' She replied, slipping her jacket on and picking up her bag. 'I'll see you at six.' Maura smiled.

'Wait!' Jane called before jogging to Maura. She looked straight into Maura's eyes, and the way Jane's stare penetrated Maura's soul gave her chills. Her fingers reached to cup Maura's face before slowly bringing their lips together in a soft, enchanting kiss that left Maura a little breathless. It was barely a kiss, Jane's lips softly pressing onto Maura's, but it was beautiful and showed Jane's sensitivity and vulnerability. Jane pulled back and brushed a loose strand of hair out of Maura's face. 'You're beautiful.' Jane whispered.

Maura couldn't help but blush like a teenager at Jane's words. But the sincerity of her words alone with the emotion behind Jane's eyes gave her that feeling that made her think she could fly.

It reminded her of _Jane_.

'So are you.' Maura whispered back, pressing their lips together for the briefest of seconds. She ached to stay longer, to draw out the kisses and bring forward lingering touches – but she didn't want to push Jane, not so far so soon. If, however, the brunette was to instigate it…well.

'You're going to be late.' Jane whispered lowly against Maura's lips. Maura groaned internally, her brow furrowing and she felt Jane's smirk ghosting against her lips. She really shouldn't be late…but her lips…she could kiss them all day. Who needs work? 'Go.' Jane urged. 'I have a few errands to run whilst you're gone.' This perked Maura's interest enough to pull back far enough so she could look at Jane without going cross-eyed.

'What sort of errands?' Maura questioned with raised eyebrows, but Jane just chuckled and began to push Maura to the door.

'Go, you'll find out later.' Jane whispered in Maura's ear, placing a soft kiss on her neck.

'Ok.' Maura agreed; her need to satisfy her curiosity dampened by the feel of Jane's lips at her neck.

Before she knew it she was in her car, driving to work, wondering what the hell just happened.

* * *

Never in all her years has Maura had a day like today. Time seemed to be going at an impossibly slow pace, and she could have sworn that the seconds hand on her sleek, black and white analogue clock moved backwards more than once.

After what felt like a year, it was it time to go home. Maura was practically skipping out of the precinct and was jumping in her seat in her car. She wasn't sure what it was that she was so excited about, perhaps Jane being home was finally sinking in, or maybe it was because Maura saw a side of Jane earlier that was so like _her_ Jane.

Maybe it was a bit of both.

Nevertheless, despite Maura's excitement that was slowly bubbling higher, she still froze when she reached the front door. She took a second to make sure…could it...? But how? Maura knelt down and picked up the tiny bundle of white violets which were tied together with a thin, cream ribbon and inhaled the sweet scent, closing her eyes to the memory, as if it were only yesterday she walked into her office and saw them for the first time.

_Maura picked up the curious bundle, it was hardly longer than her hand, and no more than seven flowers in it, yet she could tell that a lot of thought and planning had gone into it._

_She didn't recognise the flower, but after a little research, she found the flower's name, but then quickly resumed to searching what they meant. The short definition brought tears to Maura's eyes and a hand cupped her mouth in shock. When she couldn't hold back the tears any longer, she let them fall in beads of happiness down her cheek. She almost didn't hear her office door open._

'_So?' The word echoed heavily through the air. There was a nervous tone in it, as if she was unsure what her answer was going to be._

'Let's take a chance on happiness_.' Maura read off her computer then looked up to meet the pair of eyes which bore so eagerly into hers. 'You really want to?' She whispered. Sensing Maura's uneasiness, Jane walked over to Maura's side and held the blonde's hand._

'_I think we deserve a chance for happiness too, Maur.' Jane whispered and Maura felt weak at the knees, she couldn't believe Jane was actually doing this. 'I really thought about what you said last week, about me being a coward and not going after what I want. It took me a few days to understand what you were talking about before I realised that you were talking about 'you'; that I was a coward for not going after you. And you're right. I was so afraid of what Ma and everybody else would think that I stopped myself from ever going for you.'_

_Maura was in awe. Here stood Jane, the woman she'd been yearning for a time too long to count, waiting and eager for Maura's okay; so she said the only thing she could think of._

'_You'll have to take me out.' Maura said. 'On a date. I don't care where; I just want a date with you where we don't have to worry about other people, where I can sit close to you without caring what others think or if I was crossing a boundary. Where I can hold your hand and kiss you. A date.' Maura emphasised and Jane's smile simply grew as Maura talked and she took both of Maura's hands on hers and pressed a soft kiss to Maura's lips. A butterfly kiss, hardly anything but more than anything she'd ever been given before._

'_Maura Isles, I would be absolutely honoured if you were to go on a date with me. Where we can kiss and hold hands and sit as close as we'd like and not give a damn about anyone else.' Jane whispered to Maura's lips, her eyes closed, relishing the feel of having Maura close to her._

'_Jane, are you asking me out?' Maura asked teasingly. Jane opened her eyes and pulled back a little to get a better look at the woman in front of her._

'_Yes I am.' Jane replied boldly. 'Are you accepting?' Jane asked with a raised eyebrow. Maura's smile grew._

'_Yes I am,' she whispered, placing a kiss on Jane's lips, 'because we deserve a chance of happiness too.'_

Maura felt the soft smile on her lips when she thought back to the day Jane first asked her out, and sometimes she wished she could go back into those times, where it was simpler between them. Maura kept her eyes closed for a few more minutes, letting her senses indulge in her surroundings. She could smell a dinner being prepared inside, something that was making Maura's stomach grumble a little, and a soft tinkering of music could be heard, but it was so soft behind the closed door that Maura could not tell what song it was, yet there was an aching familiarity to it. Not being able to hold herself back any longer, Maura put her hand to the door handle and opened the door, walking inside and gasping in the most beautiful shock she'd ever experienced.

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**Next chapter will be up REALLY SOON I PROMISE xx p.s. sorry if there were a bunch of dumb mistakes :/ this was posted at like 1:40am Aussie time.**


	11. How Friends Turn Into Lovers

**Hey guys! So...this chapter starts all cute with a bit of fluff, then things start to heat up. Rating this chapter 'M', and I'm sure you've all been waiting for it too.**

**ok so responding to a few reviews;**

** happykt: I read through the chapter and couldn't find where I wrote 'whilst', so I'm not really sure which part you were talking about. But thanks for telling me that American's don't say 'whilst'. I honestly didn't know that, so yeah :) thanks again**

** Bolauren12: I am exactly like you, I usually never read stories unless they are finished because I hate waiting for the chapters to be posted, so I am honoured that you deemed my story worthy or waiting :)  
**

**and finally,**

** The Official Ninja: firstly, you have the coolest username ever. And second thank you for your review and being my 100th reviewer :) So I decided to give you a shout out because out it :) woo:)  
**

**so yeah, as I said before, I've hit the 100 review mark! I can't believe it and I want to thank you all for taking the time to read it, and to those people who review I love you you're my angels :) I can't believe it, keep them up because they motivate me heaps!**

**p.s. the song in this song was Maura and Jane's wedding song. Just so you know :) xx**

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'_Jane…' Her whisper was lost in a silent gasp and her head rolled back, drinking in the ecstasy which polluted the very space around her. It was beautiful, and she'd never get over the way the brunette could make her feel – how she could make every cell in her body feel alive, how she could turn every nerve ending into little shocks of electricity which scorched Maura's skin every time Jane's lips came in contact with it. She never wanted this to end…she never wanted their perfect moment to finish; so Maura closed her eyes and burnt it into her memory to forever have with her._

The house was dark except for the path of tea light candles which formed a lit path from the door to the dining room, where a fabulous meal was waiting, a few candles lit the dining room and Maura could see Jane standing beside the chair, her back to Maura, in a beautiful black dress which went to her knees. Maura inhaled deeply and the mixture of the vanilla scented candles and the home cooked meal had Maura's mouth water. Carefully, Maura slid off her shoes and put them out of the way of the candles on the floor and walked down the candle lit path, soft music playing in her ears while she travelled the short distance to Jane.

'Jane?' Maura's quiet voice startled Jane, who jumped and turned to look at Maura with a shocked expression.

'You're here!' Jane exclaimed, and then looked around her hastily. 'Uh…surprise?' She offered weakly with a small smile. Maura laughed softly and shook her head, then also looked around the decorated room.

'I can't believe you did this.' Maura whispered. She ran her fingertips over the tablecloth, looking at the meal in awe. 'You even cooked. It smells delicious.' Jane blushed and looked down to her fingertips.

'Ma actually helped me.' She said in a slightly embarrassed voice. Maura looked over to Jane and waited until the brunette met her gaze.

'And you dressed up.' Maura continued with a smile. Jane's blush reddened and she nodded. 'And you lit all those candles?' Maura continued, gesturing to the path of candles which led from the door to where they stood.

'Was it too much?' Jane asked. Maura shook her head; bringing her hands to cup Jane's face and slowly brought her into a soft, affectionate kiss, which after a few seconds deepened slightly before Maura pulled back.

'It's perfect.' Maura whispered. Jane's responding smile was breathtaking, and Maura simply got lost in the beauty of it for a little while.

'Well, you wanna eat?' Jane offered, pulling up Maura's chair with a smirk and an eyebrow raise. Maura made a noise between and giggle and a laugh as she sat in the chair and Jane tucked her in, placing a lingering kiss on the corner of her lips. Maura let out a soft sigh when Jane pulled away so she could pour a glass of while for Maura and herself.

'So, were these your errands you had to run?' Maura asked when Jane had finished pouring and was seated down. Jane smiled and nodded, picking up her glass, Maura copied Jane's actions.

'To years of laughs, a lifetime of love, and an eternity of memories.' Jane said as she clinked her glass with Maura's.

'To an eternity of memories.' Maura repeated, taking a sip of wine. The flavour exploded in her mouth which tingled her tastebuds, exciting them for the upcoming meal.

Maura's soft moans filled the air as she ate the different meals Jane had prepared. The creams felt like clouds in her mouth, and the meat was tender and juicy. Jane seemed to be concentrating on Maura more than the actual meal, her body vibrating at the sensual moans which came out of Maura's mouth without her knowledge.

They exchanged little conversation during the meal, and they ate slowly. The tea light candles eventually all burnt out, the ones at the door extinguishing first, which set off a slow chain reaction until the only light was coming from the larger candles on the table. Jane's sharp features were highlighted making her look shockingly beautiful and elegant, and her eyes had darkened to an almost black colour.

She looked like a goddess.

Maura finished her meal and took another sip of wine to wash it down, watching Jane over the rim of her glass. Jane seemed to be studying her every move, but not in an analytical way, but a predatory way. It gave Maura a rush when she caught Jane's stare, and instead of looking abashed, Jane simply smirked. The subtle teasing was driving Maura mad to no ends.

Placing her knife and fork on her plate and straightening the front of her dress, Maura looked up the Jane with a questioning look.

_What now?_

Jane seemed to read her mind, standing up and walking over to Maura and pulling her chair out so the blonde could stand up. Maura helped Jane collect the dishes from the table, not once making skin-to-skin contact with each other, but the electricity pulsing between them could be felt from the opposite sides of the room.

They were in the kitchen, it was dark and Maura could hardly make out Jane's features when she picked up one of the plates and began to wash them before Jane's hand stilled hers.

'No, we can clean up tomorrow.' Jane whispered in a low voice. Maura was helpless to do anything except nod slowly and place the plate back down. Jane took Maura's hand and pulled her close to her, wrapping her arms around Maura's waist, rocking side to side in time of the music which was currently playing. Automatically, Maura's arms went around Jane's neck and she rested her head in the crook of Jane's neck as they danced slowly. It wasn't for a little while until Maura recognised the song which was playing and her heart almost burst as she smiled against Jane's neck.

'Tonight…' Maura whisper-sung to Jane as they danced, 'I celebrate my love for you,' she continued. Jane's arms wrapped tighter around Maura and buried her nose into Maura's hair, kissing the top of her head. 'And soon this old world will seem brand new.'

'Tonight, we will both discover,' Jane continued softly into Maura's ear, 'how friends turn into lovers…' Jane pulled back slightly so she could look Maura in the eyes.

'When I make love to you…' The both sung to each other, before their lips connected in a passionate kiss. Jane pulled Maura in impossibly close, and in return Maura tightened her hold of Jane, not having any intentions of letting go. The song had long since finished, and Jane and Maura were no longer dancing on the spot, but instead their bodies were so pushed together that they had trouble distinguishing when their own body ended and their partner's began.

Maura pulled out of the kiss in a gasp to get air into her lungs, and Jane immediately began to press kissed down the side of her neck, under her jawline, to her earlobe, and then finally bringing their lips back together. They stumbled around in the darkness, desperately trying to grasp onto the other and never let no, never having enough of the taste of the other, never having enough of how it feels to be pressed against each other.

It was a release that was long since due.

Maura let out a throaty groan when Jane bit Maura lower lip, bringing her hands so they danced around the fabric on Jane's sides, which clung to her figure in such a delicious way that it had been more tempting than the actual meal they were having for dinner. Jane pulled back in a breathy gasp as Maura's fingers played on the underside of Jane's breasts, until they finally cupped them, bringing a moan to Jane's lips, which was quickly silenced when Maura's lips crashed back onto Jane's.

Maura let out a surprised grunt when Jane suddenly pushed her against the cabinet in the kitchen. Maura arched her back, aching to have Jane grasp her in ways that would make a nun have to go and confess. Maura felt the zip on the side of her dress loosen, until finally she was able to slip out of it. Jane's touches on Maura's newly exposed skin burnt straight to her core which was a raging fire of passion. Maura moaned out incoherent begs for Jane to touch her, to bring her to and over the point of ecstasy over and over again, until she was a withering, sobbing mess.

Jane directed Maura through the darkened house, occasionally stumbling over furniture as they tried to walk, kiss and grope at the same time. Before she knew it, Maura was falling on her soft mattress, letting out a soft sigh as Jane slowly kissed the underside of her neck.

'Jane,' she whispered, bringing their lips closer so they could meet in a slow, tantalizing kiss. Jane's lips were soft as they moved from an open mouthed kiss to a frenzied battle of dominance with their tongues. Maura couldn't tell if the room was hot or if it was her skin which was burning with the building fire of passion which raged within her. With the help of Maura, Jane slipped out of her dress, and the resumed to straddling Maura's hips, slowly rocking backwards and forwards.

Maura cupped Jane's breasts which were still enclosed in a bra and massaged them softly, bringing a sensual groan from Jane's lips and causing her head to fall back. Maura danced her fingers to Jane's back and swiftly undid the bra and tossed it aside. She took a moment to stare at Jane's almost naked form until the temptation got too much and she had to bring her lips to the brunette's chest.

Jane's hands went to Maura's hair, threading her fingers into the honey locks and gently pulling Maura closer to her. Jane opened her mouth to say something but her words were lost, and the only think she could concentrate on was how Maura was making her feel and that she wanted to do everything right back at her. Jane's hands moved from Maura's hair to her back and undid her bra also.

'Jesus.' Jane whispered to herself. She basked in how full Maura's breasts felt in her hands for a few seconds, not moving them until a whine from Maura's lips brought Jane back to the present. Maura let in a sharp breath of air when Jane softly pinched one of Maura's nipples while kneading the other. Maura fell back onto the bed and arched her back impossibly high, begging for Jane's touches to deepen.

Her hands had moved from Jane's sides to her hips, steadying the brunette on top of her. Jane hardly noticed Maura's touches until they were skimming over the top of her underwear, her nails barely scraping her flesh. In response to Maura's touches she ground her body onto Maura's pelvis and let out a desperate sort of groan.

It happened so fast that Maura was surprised to find Jane had flipped their positions so that she was lying on Jane, whose legs were wrapped tightly around Maura's body. Maura moved her body in time with Jane's, and let out a soft sigh at the feeling it brought to her. Jane's hands cupped Maura's rear, and Maura's nails scraped down Jane's side, bringing a tingling sensation to Jane's skin.

When Jane's legs loosened around Maura's hips, she slowly moved back from Jane so she could remove her underwear. Jane readily accepted, lifting her hips up so Maura could remove the offending piece of fabric before removing her own.

Maura's fingers ran over the top and inside of Jane's legs, and she bit her lip as the delicious sounds which were coming from the brunette's lips. Maura placed a soft kiss just under Jane's right breast, before moving her lips lower at an agonisingly slow pace. During this time, Maura's fingers were running lightly over Jane's slit, pulling them back when Jane tried to forcefully push Maura's fingers into her.

'Maura,' Jane's voice was a breathy gasp. 'Maur…please.' Jane moaned when she felt a smirking kiss touch her mound. She could feel Maura's hot breath rushing over her and it was driving her mad. She almost screamed when Maura's lips kissed her with more pressure. Maura's tongue ran a quick line up to Jane's clit, before concentrating her pleasure there. 'Fuck! Oh my…urrgh.' Jane's words quickly turned from English to a language of pleasure. Jane shuddered when she felt one of Maura's dainty fingers enter her, and with the combined pleasure of Maura's mouth and her fingers she was very quickly being undone.

Her back arched and her eyes squeezed shut when a second finger entered her, brushing against a spot deep within her which shot bolts of electricity all through her. She was grinding herself into Maura's hands and mouth, and by the smirk she could feel on Maura's lips, she blonde wasn't minding it one bit.

As if she planned the whole thing, Maura's powerful suck at Jane's clit coincided with Maura's fingers hitting that spot within her that made Jane's whole body shake. She clenched tightly around Maura's fingers, and had she been able to command any part of her body, her hands would have gone to grip onto Maura's hair. Jane felt like her body was imploding with pleasure, starting at a point deep inside her; it pulsed out on tsunami waves which set every nerve ending on fire. Maura's mouth continued to work and her fingers continued to move inside of her until Jane's body stopped shaking and her hips fell back onto the bed.

Jane let out a deep sigh as she felt Maura remove her fingers and watched as she sucked them clean. Jane's head fell back into the pillow and let out a throaty groan when she felt a trail of kissed which started at her belly and ended at her lips.

They kissed slowly, passionately for a while until they had to pull away and catch their breaths properly. When Maura moved her fingers to Jane's chest again, the latter stilled them with her hands and shook her head.

'No, now it's _my_ turn.' Jane growled in a predatory voice which Made Maura shiver. Jane swiftly changed their positions again and started kissing and sucking at Maura's neck and she was helpless to do anything except whisper out her name.

'Jane…' Her whisper was lost in a silent gasp and her head rolled back, drinking in the ecstasy which polluted the very space around her. It was beautiful, and she'd never get over the way the brunette could make her feel – how she could make every cell in her body feel alive, how she could turn every nerve ending into little shocks of electricity which scorched Maura's skin every time Jane's lips came in contact with it. She never wanted this to end…she never wanted their perfect moment to finish; so Maura closed her eyes and burnt it into her memory to forever have with her.

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**See what a did there? :P So what did you think? xx**


	12. My Angel (Don't Leave Me)

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE I SUGGEST YOU ALL READ EVEN IF YOU NEVER READ THESE THINGS IT JUST EXPLAINS WHY A FEW THINGS HAPPEN THIS CHAPTER**

**Hey guys. I am so, so, so fucking sorry about how long this took to update. But..okay I feel you guys deserve an explanation as to why it took so long? Basically I had a bit of a mental breakdown :| It was kinda crazy. So basically it was hospitals and depression/anxiety/eating disorders so when I was actually home and able to write, I couldn't find the motivation. So this sort of leads into why I made this chapter the way I did. I had planned it to have a completely different ending, this was not planned at all, but because of the current situation and events, the storyline completely changed. I know a lot of you won't like this very much, so I am so very sorry to you all if this ending makes you unhappy. Please forgive me.**

**And also, This is written in third person. So the language I am using, is not something Jane would ever use. This is like a narration, somebody else is telling the story. I guess by the second part of the chapter, it is sort of more third person through Jane. But in general, this is more like a narration.**

**As you all (hopefully) know by now, this IS the final chapter. Maybe I'll write an epilogue, but I doubt it. Anyway, enough ramblings. I'll write a little something at the end. Hopefully you guys enjoy xx**

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_Where am I?_

The thought kept circulating her head, around and around. It intoxicated her, filled her with a rising panic which became difficult to contain and put away. It was growing, like this monster which was consuming everything humane about her. She tried to run but her legs were paralysed. There was a piercing silence which slit her ears. She could feel a throbbing, radiating from the very centre of her body. It was just a dull pulsing at first…but it was turning into a crushing pain. Oh she just wanted to open her eyes. To see if this was real or just a bad dream.

She tried to open them but her eyes are heavy, stuck together. There is sound, a soft crying. They were painful, near silent sobs. Although she could hear them because compared to the overwhelming silence from before, these mouse-like sounds were magnified ten-fold.

_Don't cry_. She wanted to whisper. Although she knew she couldn't reach out, in her mind she comforted this imaginary being.

There was this relaxing presence she felt. Oh, it was her saviour, her angel. They would take her to a happier place where it didn't hurt. Please, God, make the hurt go away…

No, her angel…Where did her angel go? She's alone. The coldness seeping into the small hope she once had. Blackening the darkness into a hopeless pit…She's never going to leave…help…help…

Warmth…bells…the bells are so beautiful, transforming into melodic notes which brought tears to her eyes. But the music was sad…why was the music sad? No….her angel is crying again…her angel is hurting. She can't have that. Please, God, bring back the pain but make her angel sing the notes of heaven again…

The softness was carrying her to a happier place. She doesn't want to stay…let her angel take her and she'd be happy forever.

Oh, angel, she's back. She's holding her hand and she's never been happier. Surely this is what heaven feels like? One hand clutching hers, whilst the other running desperately through her hair. Oh angel, sweet angel…never leave me again. She speaks? And here she thought her angel was a silent beauty she's never seen. Louder, please, she can't her you. _Jane? Jane..?_

_Jane, come back._

She smiles because her angel knows who she is, but frowns because her angel thinks she is leaving her? No, sweet beautiful unknown, she'd never leave you. It is you who leaves her. Please…don't leave her in the unknown again.

The shower of diamonds sprinkle on her stone cheeks…no angel, do not cry over her…find your happiness and she will be happy.

Oh the young youth…she can feel it. She can feel the abundance of energy and love. Open your eyes and look at your angel and cherub. But she can't. No…no…come back. Don't leave her in the darkness again. She tries to scream out but the dark suffocates her…forever imprisoning her. They leave her behind and the pain tears through her body and she wants to convulse but she is bound by heavy weights, the same ones which stopped her from touching and seeing her angel.

My love, you have found peace. Whilst she was here searching for her release you left her here. But it's okay, sweet angel…she will wait forever for you and your cherub to return.

_The pain!_ She screams over and over but her angel never comes back.

The dark seeps in and there is no way out. When she can see again the angel is nowhere to be found. She left her…her angel left her alone in the dark and took her cherub. No, angel you seemed so sweet why did you leave her? Angel she wants you to come back but you never show.

Stupid angel. Why did you go? She screams and cries when nobody is watching her because she wants her angel to come back. But the only person who comes…she just watches and waits. Maybe she's waiting for her angel to come back too?

She doesn't need you, angel. You can leave her and take her cherub. She doesn't need either one of you. Take them away and never come back, she says. She never wants to hear her angel again. She never wants to see the face she never saw. Don't touch her, angel; she doesn't want to feel your love because it brings tears to her eyes.

Break her, angel, break her and make sure nobody can fix her again. What is she looking at? Those big eyes full of pain. Oh, sweet angel, why did you hurt her too? Bring her back her angel, because she doesn't want to watch the pain.

Her eyes open and she can't place her whereabouts. It's dark, and she can't understand what's happening. She calls out for help but she doesn't know if anybody can hear her or if anybody is here.

Why is she crying? She knows she needs her angel back. But where did she go? She can't remember. Somebody help…

_Help, help, help, help…_

'Jane!'

The sound brings tears to her eyes. Oh, she's back, her angel. She thought she left her. _Please, sweet angel, never leave me again. Hold me tonight and every night that comes after._

'Always, Jane.' Her angel whispers, holding her close, kissing her head. And before she closes her eyes she looks into those beautiful eyes. Her angel was even more beautiful in reality.

* * *

'Will she be okay?' The voice is soft and painful. A tired sigh comes in response and a shrug.

'She'll be okay. She was going so well, it has been months since an episode of this magnitude has happened.' The voice was older, but calm and reassuring to the other. The familiarity gave her a sense of relief that nobody else could have given her at the time.

'I just got so scared. When you called…I thought…just I remembered…' She sighed and there was a long silence. After a quiet sniff she spoke again, her throat tight, holding back tears which were mixed with relief and pain. 'If she can't come…I won't be able to go through today. I don't think I can deal with the hospitals again.'

'She's going to be fine.' The older voice reassured her. The conversation would have continued if not for the rustling of sheets on the couch. The woman had her head under the covers, but when she pulled the sheets back her brown eyes looked around the room calculatingly.

Jane didn't move from the couch. She just watched the two women who stood in front of her, both with equally concerned and relieved expressions.

'Jane?' Jane's attention turned to the older woman. Her hair fell in loose curls around her face, a few strands of grey mixed in the blonde but nothing to make her look any less beautiful. 'Jane, are you all right?' The woman continued. Jane nodded her head. She felt so blank and disconnected. She needed somebody. There was somebody who was always there…but she can't remember who.

The woman crouched so she was in front of Jane's face. She gave her a soft and patient smile, but didn't touch her; she kept her distance, but was still close. It was comforting, familiar.

'You're name's Jane Rizzoli.' The woman began softly, her eyes calculated Janes every micro-expression as she spoke. 'It's the 16th of September, 2035. You're in Paris.' Jane felt a small rise in her breathing, but when she looked into the woman's eyes, she calmed. 'Do you know who I am?' The woman asked her.

Jane looked at her for a long time, her eyes running over her features before Jane nodded slowly.

'You're my angel.' She whispered. The woman gave Jane a small smile and ran her hand through Jane's hair.

'Yeah.' The older woman said softly, a tear falling down her face. She had a soft smile and she turned back to look at the younger. When Jane looked at her, the younger's face seemed crumbled in pain as she bit her lower lip, a few tears falling down her cheeks, but she never moved from her spot in the room.

'Are you my cherub?' Jane asked the younger. The younger girl nodded and let out a breathy laugh in response. She moved towards Jane who still lay on the couch. Jane sat up to look at her cherub. She looked so beautiful, even with her red eyes and puffy cheeks. Jane ran her fingers through her cherubs brown curls and smiled at the silkiness of them. What a beautiful cherub she had. 'You are beautiful, my cherub.' Jane whispered. But why was her cherub still crying? She didn't want her to cry.

Her cherub slowly stood, untangling Jane's hand from her hair, but never letting go of Jane's hand. She turned to her angel and gave her a soft, sad smile.

'I'm going to cancel the wedding.' She said softly. Her angel purses her lips together and she looked like she was going to cry again. Jane didn't want her angel to cry again, she was too beautiful to cry. The angel nodded her head slowly in understanding. No, why was her angel letting her cherub cancel the wedding? Why can't her cherub be married?

'Why?' Jane whispered just as her cherub turned to walk away. Her cherub looked Jane straight in the eyes, slightly confused.

'I'm sorry?' Her cherub asked quietly.

'Don't cancel your wedding, cherub.' Jane whispered. 'Please.' But her cherub only shook her head and gave Jane a sad smile. She walked towards Jane and knelt beside her angel and gave Jane a soft kiss to her cheek.

'I have to.' Her cherub whispered.

'Why?' Jane asked again.

'Because,' her cherub replied running her finger over Jane's cheek. 'You promised to give me away. And you can't do that when you're like this, mum.' Jane stared at her cherub in disbelief. She couldn't be her mother, look at her beautiful cherub and angel, they saved her life from the darkness. Her cherub can't belong to her.

Her cherub gave Jane another kiss on the cheek, before turning to her angel and telling her she was going to go and make the calls. Jane sat there, staring out the window, and then turning to look at her angel.

'Come on, Jane. Let's go get you cleaned up.' Her angel whispered. Jane nodded and took her angel's hands and she helped her up. She doesn't deserve her angel, but she is so grateful that she has her.

And as her angel led her away, Jane happily followed, never wanting to leave her angel ever again.

She was never going to forget her angel.

* * *

**_So, I know a lot of you probably are hating on me write now, but let me explain a few things. This is sort of an extras thing so feel free to skip over it._**

1. THIS IS NOT JANE'S PERMANENT STATE-OF MIND. This is a sort of delusion she creates. As you have all hopefully calculated by now, this is 22 years in the future, and Jane has developed a new illness that I have created (unless it all ready exists). It's basically alzheimer's, but it has been something which has slowly been building since she regained her memory because of her accident, it basically gave her a sort of permanent but periodical memory loss/delusion. It got really bad at one point, where this was just the world she lived in, but she got better and as Maura had said, it had been months since an episode where she is so lost in her mind has happened. This is basically clarifying stuff for people if they didn't get it or I didn't portray it well through the chapter.

2. As I said at the beginning, this chapter is told through a narrator. So I am well aware that this language is nothing that Jane would every say. I know this, but this was my intent. I wanted to make it as clear as possible that this was a delusion and that Jane wasn't 'in her right mind'

3. Jane is not in a care home. As I said, she is relatively okay now, she really lives a normal life mostly. However she has these, I dunno, 'biblical' episodes(?)

4. If there is going to be an epilogue, Jane would not be having an episode (as far as I'm concerned anyway). But the chances are, I'm not going to have n epilogue. I'm marking this story as finished, and if I do decide to put one, I'll probably put it as a separate story.

**I think I covered most things. If there is something else leave a review and I'll send you a message if you're desperate to know. Again, I am so sorry for not posting this chapter for so long, but as I said, things happen in life and I couldn't really control my life, and if I had put up a chapter then, everybody would have probably died because Jane had a mental snap and murdered Maura and Emma before killing herself.**

**But on a far less depressing note haha..**

**Thank you all _so _much for your support. Your reads, reviews, follows and favourites are what had me keep on going and actually finishing this damn story. I really hope that it has lived up to some of your expectations, but if it hasn't, I am terribly sorry.**

**I probably will be starting another story, but not right away, I'm going to either finish it first or write most of the chapters. I was about half way through before I went MIA.**

**Again, thank you all so much for sticking through this story. It had it's good times and, as I'm sure many would agree after this ending, a lot of fucking stupid times, but hopefully it's been a ride you guys don't regret taking. I love you all, thank you so much and I'd love for one last review from you all? Whether it's on how you dislike the ending, or what you favourite/least favourite parts of the story were. Or if that's too much, just a rating out of 5 (5 being one of the best R&I fan fictions you've read) would make my day.**

**Much love to you all, and hopefully you'll read from me in the not too distant future :) For now, au revoir xx**


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